Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

A Tall Ship Tale #22: A Maze In Greece

Category: alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G

Paul de Anguera’s rich tale continues.

The H.M.S. Legume penetrated the ancient and heavily-eroded coast of Crete, following a tortuous channel through the crags to Rimwall Sound. The ship was searching for its lost crewmen; every eye scrutinized the shore. It was a difficult search, for the cliffs were riddled with tunnels, and the tottering pillars and walls of some vast inundated ruin extended far out into the water.

Meanwhile, the exhausted shore party waded onward into the Labyrinth, armed only with lengths of pipe. The Monitor and the Merry Mac followed, bellowing, in hot pursuit. “How much longer must Icarus this pipe?” Almo Sather grumbled.

“Theseus about as far as we can go,” the First Mate agreed. They looked about for some way to escape the monsters. But the crumbling walls offered little shelter, and the water was getting deeper.

“I can make us a boat,” Kernel Sanders offered. “Well, actually it would only be a shell,” he admitted.

“Even that sounds good,” the First Mate urged. The first shell which the Unix Kernel created turned out to be a subshell, and it sank immediately. But he hastily wrote a “.” glyph on the front of the second shell. With this to keep it level, the men were able to climb on board. “But how will we row it?” the First Mate asked.

Confidently, the Unix Kernel took the pipe which the First Mate was carrying. He laid it alongside his own pipe, and stroked them with his hands. The sailors stared in astonishment as the pipes fused together and one end distorted into a flattened blade. “Only Unix could make two pipes into an oar!” Jim Dayman exclaimed in admiration. Sanders repeated this process on the pipes which Jim and Almo had been carrying. Then the sailors started rowing down the corridor.

At the next intersection, they found openings to several passages. “Look!” Sanders cried. He pointed toward a passage, not unlike the rest, toward which the wind was carrying them. Instead of the ubiquitous Minos sign, this passage was marked with a new glyph:


“Escape!” the First Mate burst out.

“Actually, it is more specific than that,” Sanders corrected him. “You see, the Phrygian language is extremely compact and efficient. What this glyph really says is:

“Emerge-in-sea exit on lee, a la Rimwall Sound.”

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