Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


A Shaggy Tale of Two Cities

Category: Rated G

By Alan B. Combs with advice and consent from Pun Mistress, Ms. Scarlett O’Herzele.


One might expect that cities that are geographically close to one another would be either very friendly and cooperative, or very hostile and competitive. For the two French Canadian Cities Gayle and Geaux, it was the latter. Now you purists might claim these cities don’t exist. Reading between the lines, however, and for the sake of this tale, they do, they do. Just take my word for it.

As it also so happens, there is a Fine University in each town, and there is an unhealthy rivalry, if not downright hatred between them. Many other examples will be familiar to the readers.. This story is about James and John Parker, brothers who became professors at these universities, John at Gayle and James at Geaux. It seems the rivalry between the brothers became more and more fierce and unseemly every year that came along.

As the brothers advanced in their careers, they each became academic recruiters for their respective institutions of higher learning. Each was given the goal of recruiting fifty savants and teachers from each of four leading state universities, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, and Baltic.

James, being the more innovative brother sent out a string of sexy young cheerleaders to extoll the charms of his chosen town and university. Behind his back, they became known as the Geaux Geaux Girls, though he thought of them more as his Geaux-fers. And, indeed, some girls did go farther than others.

John countered by claiming there was nothing special about this line up of ladies — to him it was just a Broadwalk. In fact, he said that one lady, when she found a place to park freely, was so liberal with her buxom charms that she could easily be called the Community Chest. He also said that some in the line of ladies were very short, and others had such a case of B.O. that it could be perceived all the way from Pennsylvania to Vermont and St. Charles. All in all, John said these were very chancy ladies, and would thoroughly tax the retirement funds to provide them the luxuries they wanted — a losing situation from the get-Geaux.

By casting his aspersions on the fair young ladies from Geaux, John made such nasty waves across the whole country, from the Atlantic to the Pacific, that the president of Gayle, Marvin Ventnor St.James finally had to reign him in and call him home. He did this by sending an engraved card made of oriental rice paper.

It was a very sad moment when John received the card that spelled the death knell to all of his recruiting hopes and aspirations.

         ________________________________________
         |                                       |
         |            GO TO GAYLE                |
         |         GO DIRECTLY TO GAYLE          |
         |          DO NOT PASS GEAUX            |
         |  DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED SCHOLARS  |
         |_______________________________________|

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