Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Hamptons Party

Category: Rated G

By Robert Dvorak.


At a party in the Hamptons one weekend, given by the producer of a large Network News show, one of the most famous on-camera personalities got something wedged in her “camera teeth”. Being properly demure, she found her way to an upstairs bathroom, removed them, and cleaned the offending “bit”. Unfortunately, in re-inserting them, she slipped on the tile floor and the teeth went out the window, clattered down the slate roof from the dormer, and lodged themselves in the gutter.

Most embarrassed, she went outside and explained to her host what had happened and asked if he had a ladder available…

“No need, ma’am, I’ve been experimenting with psychokinesis.” And, sure enough, he faced the roof, closed his eyes and the teeth rose up from the gutter, flew across the intervening space, and landed in his hand.

A few minutes later a hubbub arose when the neighbor’s kitten Amy climbed the tree and immediately got stuck. Amidst shouts of “Call the Fire Department!” and “Call the SPCA”, the producer said calmly,

“Not necessary. Like the bridge of our Barbara Walters, I will Amy down.”

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