Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Dee-Cent Short Story

Category: Rated G

This is by Jim MacCaulay who sent it to us. Thank you.


This year at our high school, there are two senior girls that are best of friends. One’s name is Dolores Penn, and the other’s name is Dolores Seward. As you might expect, both girls are called “Dee” by their friends and families. Since the two girls are always together, the students at the high school cannot resist a few wordplays on the girls’ names. For example, whenever one of the girls flips the wall switch, the students say they are Dee-lighted. Whenever the girls, who just love fishing, discuss lures, the students say they are Dee-baiting. Whenever the students see the two girls walking the hallways, they say, “Here come the parodies (pair of Dees).” For purposes of brevity, the rest of the wordplays will be left to the reader’s imagination.

As close as their friendship is, they also have a competitive side to their relationship. Both girls want to attend Harvard next year, so they decided to have a friendly competition to see which one can get accepted. Both of the girls are excellent students and citizens, and both of them have been elected to the National Honor Society. Each one believes that it is their extracurricular activities that will get them admitted to college. Dolores Penn, who has a real way with words, has worked to become the editor of the school newspaper and is the high school’s top debater. Dolores Seward, on the other hand, is easily the school’s top female athlete. Not only is she all-conference in fencing, but she also is the school’s best female basketball player and golfer.

Six weeks after they applied for admission to Harvard, their competition was over. Dolores Penn was admitted, but Dolores Seward was rejected. The whole school had known about their friendly competition, so it was no surprise when the school paper’s headlines the next day read,

“Dee Penn is mightier than Dee Seward.”

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