Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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A Christmas Tale from Callahan’s Bar

Category: Rated G

This tale features characters from one of the world’s most famous virtual bars. The author of the tale is not known, but it is not Spider Robinson, the creator of the original ficton.


“Mike, I’ve got a strange tale. Heard it from a Klingon last night, and I thought the folks might appreciate it.”

“It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name of Vader, specifically the lightsaber battle they fought in the
cloud city. The depiction of that fight in the Lucas film was fairly accurate, but it left out a few details.”

“It seems that, during the course of the fracas, more words were exchanged while the two of them were temporarily clenched with their weapons locked against each other, and apparently the director must
have felt that some editing would make the dialogue a bit snappier, so some of them were snipped out.”

“So here’s the rest of what they said to each other.”

‘Luke, there is something that you do not know.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Luke, I know, beyond doubt, what you are getting for Christmas.’

‘You’re wrong. You can’t know that.’

‘Nevertheless, it is so.’

‘I don’t believe you! This isn’t possible!’

‘Trust me, Luke, I do know what you are getting for Christmas. I know it with the same degree of certainly as I know of the inevitability of the failure of your pitiful rebellion.’

‘You can’t know that. The rebellion will succeed!’

‘I know a great many things, Luke. Join with me, let me show you the true power of the Dark Side of the force, and together we can destroy the emperor!’

‘Is that why you think you know what I’m going to get for Christmas? You think your mastery of the Dark Side can show you the future?’

‘The Dark Side shows me many things, Luke, but I did not need it for this.’

‘Then how do you know what I’m getting?’

‘It’s very simple, Luke. I have felt your presents.'”

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