All posts for the month January, 2011

*Time for Anger

Posted on the groaners listserv by Stan Kegel.

Herman was afflicted with an explosive personality that caused him more and more problems at home and on the job. Finally, his distressed family persuaded him to enter an anger-management course.

Herman’s therapy included an alarm clock on his bedroom table that was tuned in to his brain by electronic pulses. Every time Herman flew into a tantrum, the clock would explode into a loud and irritating ring that wouldn‚t stop until … Read the rest...

Men Are Just Happier People

Our next chapter in the War Between the Sexes was sent by Shayne Gad.


If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything … Read the rest...

Current TSA Statistics


The statistics for last year from the Travel Security Administration of the Department of Homeland Security:

Terrorist Plots Discovered and Thwarted (0)

Transvestites (133)

Hernias (1,485)

Cases of Hemorrhoids (3,172)

Enlarged Prostates (8,249)

Breast Implants (59,350)

Natural Blondes (3)

Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #89: Signs Of The Thames

Paul DeAnguera’s epic puns continue.

Tenderly, with every respect due to great warriors from greater, the crew of the H.M.S. Legume conveyed defeated punster Hugo Phirst and the other Americans back across the Chesapeake to the U.S.S. Groundpea. “Shock and bleeding at the ears,” Emma Talligeist advised the American ship’s doctor. “Also several concussions from smacking their own foreheads.” They made the invalids as comfortable as they could. Then Emma returned and the Legume aimed its bowsprit toward the Atlantic. … Read the rest...

Nine Dangerous Words Women Use

This chapter in the War Between the Sexes came from the groanerslistserv.

1.) FINE:

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


This is the calm before the

Read the rest...

The Ambidexterous Golfer

This rude little tale was published on the groaners listserv a few years ago.

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn’t quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round in the … Read the rest...

Rabbinical Students

This was posted by Anna Welander on

Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and drinking in the company of undesirable characters before the sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called them into his study the next day.

Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried peas.

“Put these in your … Read the rest...


This was sent by high school friend, Don Drinnon.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica – where do they go ?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #88: Seven Jeers in Tibet

From Paul DeAnguera.

The unexpected American counter-attack had devastated the British champion. Gasping and bleeding from the ears, the stupefied First Mate shook his head helplessly when urged to retake the stage. “Pull down your union jack, then,” Captain Blight ordered, “And form a line by the starboard rail, prisoners of war!”

“Wait!” called a voice, and a distinguished looking Chinese man in an embroidered red silk robe stepped onto the main hatch cover. It was Wang Mang, able seaman … Read the rest...

*Two Loopholes

From the groaners listserv.

In the late 1800s, not wanting to be outdone by American rodeo, an English chap decided to become a rodeo star. Not having a horse or any cattle, he cast about for some way to perform. His vocation was building outhouses, and he had several samples behind his home. He had also installed a couple of standing gas lamps in his yard. As a start, he decided that lassoing these objects would be good practice. After … Read the rest...