All posts for the month December, 2010

Texting for Seniors

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Why are these things seemingly so pertinent these days?

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Seniors’ Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, this is the code for you!


AFT: Another Funeral Today

ATD: At the Doctor’s

B2N: Bingo Tonight?

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth


Read the rest...

Current Events — Interage Marriage

This ia a pun cascade from P.U.N.Y.

Playboy Founder Hugh Hefner Engaged to 24-Year-Old

The 84-year-old announces his engagement to model Crystal
Harris on Twitter.

The above – seriously! – is from today’s news.

I can guess what wedding gifts they’ll exchange: She’ll give
him an Erector set, and he’ll give her a do-it-yourself kit.

Charles Wukash

A bunny thing happened on the way to the nursing home.

Gary Hallock

I thought young gal would play boy, man shun.

Chris … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #85: Son of a Gun

Another story from Paul DeAnguera.

Having failed to change the course of the War of 1812, the H.M.S. Legume fled down the Potomac to Chesapeake Bay — only to find the way to the Atlantic blocked by her nemesis, the U.S.S. Groundpea. Through their brass telescopes, the officers on the quarter-deck studied the enemy frigate uneasily. She had changed somewhat since they had last seen the Groundpea in Giza, a large black tube now stood up from the main deck.… Read the rest...

Rules — Christmas Cookies and Calories

A seasonal posting from the groaners listserv.

Christmas Cookie Rules

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs … Read the rest...

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

Mel Lett sent me this tale a few years back. I have a file of stuff he sent me that will keep on giving for a long time.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being … Read the rest...

A Christmas Dolly

This wonderful, almost seasonal article is from Cousin Jo Anne.

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa  checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,  … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #84: Burning Down The House

Paul Anguera continues his tale.

With the year dial of its chronomotor restored to 1812, the flying frigate H.M.S. Legume now proceeded across-country to the enemy capital. Drifting northward from the tidal basin, the ship cast a monstrous shadow over the memorial to the treasonous signers of the Declaration of Independence, the Society of the D.A.R. Library and the Zero Milestone. They heard musketfire in the distance, and saw Redcoats slipping through the rush-hour traffic on E Street. “What’s that … Read the rest...

A Christmas Tale from Callahan’s Bar

This tale features characters from one of the world’s most famous virtual bars. The author of the tale is not known, but it is not Spider Robinson, the creator of the original ficton.

“Mike, I’ve got a strange tale. Heard it from a Klingon last night, and I thought the folks might appreciate it.”

“It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name of … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #83: Turning the Tables

Another entry from Paul DeAnguera.

“That business in Jamaica was a terrible trial,” the First Mate said to Captain Quid, luxuriating in his ability to use the letter “A” again. They were standing on the quarter-deck of the H.M.S. Legume by the starboard rail, watching the Mississippi shoreline drift past.

“Mentioning trials, we’ve got to arrange a trial for Sir Hillary before he escapes again.”

“Good idea. But where would we get a judge?”

“We can do better than a … Read the rest...

Holiday Merger — Chanukah and Christmas

This tale appeared on the groaners listserv at this time of the season for several years.

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having … Read the rest...