All posts for the month October, 2010

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

From the groaners listserv.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The biblical perspective:


     And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road…

The Bible:

     (1) And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

     (2) And so the Lord he spoke to the … Read the rest...

The Twelve Night’s of HALLOWEEN…

This parody was posted on the groaners listserv

On the first night of Halloween My true love gave to me… A vulture
in a dead tree!

On the second night of Halloween My true love gave to me… Two
flying bats And a vulture in a dead tree!

On the third night of Halloween My true love gave to me… Three
black cats, Two flying bats, And a vulture in a dead tree!

On the fourth night of Halloween My … Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles

Topical and Halloween-timely from the groaners listserv, some of these are very ancient, indeed.

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.

What do you call a skeleton that won’t get out of bed?
Lazy Bones

What did the wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.

What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Dracula?
A robbery at the blood bank.

What was the werewolf’s first name?
Harry (Gary Hallock)

What’s black, … Read the rest...

Peanut Butter Without Jelly

This is by Bob Dvorak.

Dani sat in the cafeteria and opened up her brown-bag lunch. Bologna. Again. She glanced around. Jimmy had PBJ. Beth had PBJ. Sal had PBJ.

They looked back at her. “Bologna again?”

“Yes. I don’t like peanut butter without jelly.”

“So get your mom to put jelly in it.”

“We don’t have any in the house. Too many calories, she says, so she got rid of the jelly.”

“No more jelly?”

“No. She’s ex-pectin.”… Read the rest...

Halloween Poetry

From those punsters on the limericks and haiku listserv:

On Monday the coven was shocked
To learn that a witch had been socked
She took quite a beating
At last wiccan’s meeting
So this week the back doors warlocked
(Gary Hallock)

To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises
(Gary Hallock)

One of those dead old pha-raohs
Once asked his dad why … Read the rest...

A Horse Riddle

Posted on P.U.N.Y. as a riddle, “I want to get off on Foal 100”. This is by Bob Dvorak.

The youngster on the horse farm was in a playful mood. The weather was warm, the skies were clear. Butterflies flitted about and there wasn’t a fly in sight. He went down to the pond, and gingerly stepped in to grab a sip of water. A misstep into the muck, however, caused him to flounder; he lost his footing and splashed … Read the rest...

The Night Before Halloween

This was posted on the groaners listserv. I fits with all the other Night Before Christmas parodies.

(Author Unknown)

‘Twas the night before Halloween
and all through the crypt
EVERY creature was stirring
(except one bat who got gypped).

The monsters had gathered
to plan and prepare,
for the trick-or-treaters
who soon would be there.

Mummies unraveled and put on new wraps.
Spiders found corners and spun silky traps.
Count Dracula grinned and slicked back his hair.
Frankenstein’s bride cried, … Read the rest...

Off The Beaten Drac….

We have in no manner run out of these daily Halloween stories. That leaves some for next year. This particular tale is by Bob Dvorak and was posted to P.U.N.Y.

Dracula was walking down the street in mufti. He paused in front of a jewelry shop and was admiring a bracelet with some particularly marvelous blood-red stones when a young woman approached with the similar idea of browsing expensive baubles.

As she studied an opal pendant she heard a somewhat … Read the rest...

The LeTourneau Wedding-Plan Tips

This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.

The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:

18Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!

17Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.

16“Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”

15To ensure that guests of all ages have

Read the rest...

The Death of Dracula

This rude little tale has been around. This version was on the groaners listserv.

Dracula dies and he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going around sucking blood & killing. “I’ll give you a chance to redeem your sins”, said God “I’ll send you back to earth, but not in a human form. You can be reincarnated into any other living thing of … Read the rest...