All posts for the month August, 2007

Another Red Herring

This is from the International Save the Pun Foundation’s archive.

A herring that for many years swam along with a friendly whale appeared one day without its companion. Asked where the whale was, the herring replied, “How would I know? Am I my blubber’s kipper?”… Read the rest...

The Oasis

This was published on the groaners listserv.

There are two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they’ve been separated from their unit and are lost.

They’ve been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them. Naturally, they can’t believe their eyes and think it’s a mirage, … Read the rest...

Ticks — All You Ever Wanted to Know

Fresh from the groaners listserv.

Today my boys and I did yard work. And being rural, when we get in side we check for ticks. And found one. The cats and the dogs are medicated for ticks and flees, so I know it didn’t come from them. Anyway, the actual conversation went like this…

“Mom! Is this a tick?”

“Yes. Kill it by pressing it between your thumb nail and another nail.”

“Ewww! It popped!”

“That’s how you know it … Read the rest...

For the Right Price

Gary Hallock posted this timely quip on P.U.N.Y.

After serving 35 years on TV’s popular game show, The Price is Right, the host is finally going to retire. I imagine he’ll now have more time to concentrate on his sideline of neutering dogs. That’s right, he’ll still Bob Barkers.… Read the rest...

A Medical Mystery

This tale is by Terry Morrison, author of “Mattress-ide and Other Grammatical Atrocities”.

The patient was face down on the bed while four doctors with a combined total of 81 years medical experience, examined his upraised buttocks.

In spite of all their training, the best they could come up with were comments like “I’ve never seen anything like it,” and “Beat’s me,” and “It must make life very uncomfortable for you, Mr. Higgenbottom.”

Higgenbottom managed a muffled hiss into a … Read the rest...

Three Minute Management Course

Versions of this didactic gem have been around for some time. This one is from Jo Ann Thomas.

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered: “Sure, why not?” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Read the rest...

The Horse and the Chicken

This olde classic was posted on the groaner listserv.

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to … Read the rest...

Medical Profession Funerals

This was sent by Dr. Jerry Born. I believe it has been around a while, but I do not know who created it.

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. At the appropriate moment following the eulogy, as his friends and colleagues watched, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that … Read the rest...

Eurasian Riddle

By Alan B. Combs

Why did the elegantly dressed Japanese lady get tragically killed while out walking around on one of the Indonesian islands?

She thought she heard someone yell, “Beware, kimono draggin’!”… Read the rest...

The Hangover

This was posted on the groaners listserv.

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can’t believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is … Read the rest...