All posts for the month May, 2007

One Day at the Smith’s

By the endlessly creative Bob Dvorak. This doesn’t mean that he cannot sit down while writing these things.

Strolling the streets of lower Manhattan the other day at lunch, I wandered into a silversmith’s storefront workshop. The young man immediately bustled out from behind his workbench and introduced himself.

He showed me some of his original-design earrings, rings, belt buckles, and so forth. Then he reached behind the counter and brought out a brilliant piece of artwork.

“It’s a hunting … Read the rest...

Disease Resistant

By Alan B. Combs. A nice, gentle offering went south as a PUNY cascade.

An unpopular, overly-studious, socially inept young fellow nevertheless did have one thing going for him. He never seemed to get colds or infections no matter what infectious microorganism was going around. He became the subject of several medical studies, therefore.

After much investigation, it was concluded that most pathogens had a very hard time finding their way around in the dork.

If some of those pathogens … Read the rest...

Thoughts on Bow Hunting

From Lowrie who knew I wouldn’t be able to resist using it. It reminds me of the ancient question about, “What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits the windshield?”*

Ted Nugent, a heavy metal guitar legend and devoted (bow) hunter, was being interviewed by a French journalist. Eventually, the conversation turned to his love of outdoor pursuits. The journalist asked, “What do you think the last thought is in the head of a … Read the rest...

Story Time Addendum

By Chris Cole in response to a previous story

Ollie had recently gone a quite a diet, and his pants fit rather loosely, so the cuffs were an easy recepticle to receive stolen ROM chips.

A shadowing KGB officer noticed the theft and shortly therafter chased Ollie through the zoo. Ollie tried to scramble over the fence, but his pants, being too big, slipped off and were left behind (or more exaclty, were left OFF OF Ollie’s behind!).

The KBG … Read the rest...

The Mathematician

This was published on the groaners listserv.

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First, they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist says: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The Biologist concludes: “They have reproduced.”
The Mathematician says: “Now if another person

Read the rest...

Puns in the Comics I

From various newspaper cartoons; some are pretty good puns.

One recent cartoon featured an outer space john where no man had gone before.

Another featured disappointed mosquitos after a vampire had finished its meal.

Consider a medieval cathedral with many ramparts and flying buttresses — in God they trussed.

An angel in Groucho mustache and glasses is a blessing in disguise.

An elephant tickling the ivories.

A child chastising the dog for doing it on the sidewalk rather than the … Read the rest...

PC Lament: With Apologizes to Edgar Allen Poe

This was posted on the groaners listserv. The author is not known.

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
system manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,

longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
still I sat there doing spreadsheets,
and having reached the bottom line
I took a floppy from the drawer.

Typing with a steady hand,
then, invoked the “save” command,
but, I got a reprimand…
“abort, retry, ignore.”

Was this some occult illusion?… Read the rest...

The Dangers Of Thinking

*Lowrie Beacham sends this warning.

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then — just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone — to relax, I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began … Read the rest...

Patience, Please

This is from Lowrie Beacham.

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by … Read the rest...


This is by pun-award winning Chris Caillouet of our Pharmacy Dean’s Office.

If you have ever been annoyed as I have by the big, obnoxious, civilian version of the U.S. Army’s High-Mobility Multi-Purpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMPWV, or “Hum- Vee”), the following information should fill you with glee: Specialists in the field of proctology have recently noticed an increase in the incidence of patients who are Hum-Vee owners, due to the vehicle’s very tight suspension system and rock-hard seat cushions. These … Read the rest...