All posts for the month August, 2005

Hang Gliding in Kentucky

This came from Mel Lett. The author is not known.

Deep in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge– into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when Maw … Read the rest...

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

This is by Ms. Scarlett’s son-in-law Jon Gordon.

We were watching the new Charlie & the Chocolate Factory movie the other day. Early in the film, we are told how an Indian prince asks Willy Wonka to build him a palace out of chocolate. Predictably, on the first hot day, the palace begins to melt, at which point the screen shows an image of a statue of the Hindu elephant god becoming a bit runny. At this point, I turned … Read the rest...

Man Killed

This was posted by Nemo on alt.humor.puns.

A man was killed in a stampede while sitting peacefully in his living room by the fire in the middle of a snowstorm in winter.

A wall of his house had suddenly fallen down leaving his living room open to the elephants!

Lowrie Beacham says, “I question weather you should have sent that one.”… Read the rest...

Scream of Wheat

A new groaner by Tiff Wimberly. Posted on PUNY. Yea!

Two farmers were talking at the co-op about the weather and crops, when a third farmer walks up and offers his two cents about the need for rain and yields and then ended his conversation by pulling out a handful of wheat berries from the pocket of his overalls and pelting the other two farmers with them before walking away.

One of the farmers said. “What in tarnation did he … Read the rest...

Dangerous Crustacean in the Toy Store

I have posted Dave Farley’s Dr. Fun cartoons before. They are scientific and literate, and frequently with rude undertones. I am a fan.

The cartoon I am reporting about today is within a toy store. A monster crustacean is terrorizing the store help who are busy chucking plastic dolls at the beast to drive him off. Their battle cry is “Throw another Barbie on the shrimp.”… Read the rest...

Raising Martyrs

This came from Ms. Scarlett. The author is unknown.

Abdul and Mohammed were discussing their children in a cafe in downtown Bagdad. Abdul pulls out his wallet and shows Mohammed pictures of his children.

“This is my oldest son, he is a martyr.”

“And this is my second son, he is also a martyr.”

“Ah, yes,” sighed Mohammed, “They blow up so fast these days”.… Read the rest...

Locked Out of the Car

Mel Lett continues to be my source for these excellent old stories.

A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication for her daughter. When returning to her car she found she had locked her keys inside.

She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn’t know what to do. She called home to the baby sitter, and was told her … Read the rest...

Ass Size

The author is unknown. Perhaps, no one would claim it.

In a recent survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin, and the other five per cent said they didn’t really care — they would have married him anyway!… Read the rest...

Horse and Buggy

This is by Himie Koshevoy who has many other excellent puns in this collection.

The automobile has banned the horse from the highways of the continent, and no more so than from the mighty bridges across the great rivers, for the slow steed would create intolerable tie-ups if he were allowed into those slim bottlenecks.

None of this, of course, prevented a university fraternity deciding to force one of its pledges to drive a horse and buggy across a busy … Read the rest...


The members of this genus of tale are legion. You have been warned.

There was once an old, retired couple who, in the autumn of their years enjoyed a simple life. Mr. and Mrs. Green were very happy in their country cottage, George’s passion was his vegetable patch, while Martha’s was to cook what her beloved husband grew. A perfect situation.

Now George was especially proud of his cauliflowers. For many years he had cultivated and perfected a secret mulch … Read the rest...