All posts for the month July, 2005

Mexican Jews

Former student and current colleague Mehdi Rezazadeh sent this old classic.

Two Jewish men, “Sid” and “Al” were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. Sid asked Al, “Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?”

Al replied, “I don’t know, let’s ask our waiter.” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”

The waiter said, “I don’t know Senior, I’ll go ask the cooks.” He returned from the kitchen in a few … Read the rest...

Simple Home Remedies

Sometimes the simplest remedies are the best. Pharmacy Bro Charlie Pfister sent this educational reminder. I have known some of these for a long time and some are new to me.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be removed almost instantly.

2. Clumsy by nature? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you … Read the rest...

Doggerel (Pun-Off 2005)

This is an expanded Pun-Off piece for 2005 by Laurie Ann Poole.

DAL: DAL MATION here, K-9 cop, WEST HIGHLAND station with my partner, Molly the COLLIE. This stakeout is a real BORZOI. Echh, my MALTESE all runny. Stale BISCUITS. PACK’S empty, too·No use being MUDI. What a DOG’S life! CHIN up! The sun don’t shine on the same DOG’S behind every day. Let us SPAY: The Lord is my GERMAN SHEPHERD· Bucks me up to see the valor medal … Read the rest...

Michael Jackson (Adult Theme, What Else?)

I am on cartoonist Myke Ashley-Coopers mailing list. He mostly features puns of a rude nature.

This morning’s offering:

Abstinence makes Michael Jackson grow fondler.… Read the rest...

Why Cardinal Grapje Wasn’t Named Pope

As one might only expect, several pope tales are making the rounds. This one came from New Mexico colleague, Jerry Born.

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and as a young man aspired to become a priest. However, he was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co- piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943, resulting in the loss of his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of … Read the rest...

Weed It and Reap…

Several folks report “It Really Happened” Puns. Here is one by Lowrie Beacham, a nice little variant (the pun, not Lowrie).

True story (you don’t get many of those, I know): Last night my daughter and her husband fixed dinner for her mother and me, it being some special day or other; it was easy for the daughter–her husband is the cook. So, she recruited me to help with a gardening problem. She has an industrial strength climbing rose, which … Read the rest...

Revenge at the Zoo

From Tom Vickery

This guy went to the zoo one day. While he was standing in front of the gorilla’s enclosure, the wind gusted and he got some grit in his eye.

As he pulled his eyelid down to dislodge the particle, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to, the zookeeper was anxiously bending over him, and as soon as he was able to talk, he explained what had … Read the rest...

Second Submission, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest, 2004

By Alan B. Combs

This was one of two submissions to the Bulwer-Lytton Contest for 2004.

He knew it was going to be a wonderful day because the storm had passed, blue birds were singing rhapsodies, and a passing airplane wrote “3.1416” in the sky.… Read the rest...

News about Enya

Based on the June 9th, 2005 strip

In yesterday’s Mother Goose & Grimm strip, Mike Peters tells us that Enya is starting up a new rap group.

What’s it to be called?

Enya Face!… Read the rest...

Ashes to Ashes

Lowrie Beacham, a brother with wonderful resources, sends this tale of the trials of the pastorate.

A visiting minister gave the offertory prayer: “Dear Lord,” he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust…”

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, … Read the rest...