All posts for the month March, 2005

The Disobedient Rabbit

The author of this fluffy tail is unknown.

A woman walks into a vet’s waiting room. She’s dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there.

“Sit, Fluffy,” she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer’s lap, getting water all over him.

“I said sit, now there’s a good Fluffy,” says the woman, slightly embarrassed. Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates.

The … Read the rest...

2003 Punoff — Second Place: PUNelope’s Come-upPUNce

By Judy Dean and June Morris for the 26th Annual 0. Henry World ChamPUNship Pun-Off Contest in Austin on May 3, 2003.

This routine won 2nd place in the Punniest of Show by a mother and daughter who has never been to the event before. It was their delivery as much as the puns that won the hearts of the judges and audience.

PUNelope’s Come-upPUNce: An ExPUNentially Ridiculous Tale of Capital (of Texas) PUNishment

Now listen carefully to deePUN appreciation … Read the rest...

Computer Puns

By Daryl Konopka and Jim L. Ryan

Daryl Konopka, spouse of a good friend and a software engineer at Dell came home with “What do you call it when I am standing at the urinal and talking?”

Answer: Voice over IP

Jim Ryan of the local Macintosh User Group reports the following spontaneous Mac puns.

Just now I was chatting with Hugh Sparks, a retired professor of music from UT who has become a recent friend, and I mentioned that … Read the rest...

Feghoot XXX

The Feghoot series is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonym of Grendel Briarton.

It was Ferdinand Feghoot who saved one of Civilization’s noblest works of piety and learning, the great Summa Theologica of St. Thomas Aquinas, for posterity.

In 4282, the Cardinal-Prefect of Alternate Time Tracks told him that young Thomas, instead of studying hard, was succumbing to an earthly temptation, a seemingly innocent one smuggled to him by a time-travelling Occamist agent from the 34th Century.

Immediately, Feghoot … Read the rest...

Feghoot XXIX

The Feghoot series is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonym of Grendel Briarton.

In 3229, when Ferdinand Feghoot arose to deliver his famous report to the Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History, his reception was hostile.

“Feghoot,” cried Dr. Corydon Bramahpootra, the President, “is it not the purpose of our Society to make all history Classically perfect, as though Gibbon himself had composed it? To change every event that is crude, inartistic? When we sent you back to … Read the rest...

I Woke Up This Morning

This is by Glenda Konopka, an old friend.

I woke up this morning and did what I usually do: made a fresh pot of coffee for my husband and myself. I sat down, read the newspaper, and waited for the coffee to finish brewing.

After finishing the newspaper (coffee still not ready), I went over to my computer and turned it on, accessing my e-mail accounts. I had over 100 e-mails! I started going through them, one by one, most … Read the rest...

The Blonde Nun

This came to me from brother David Smith. The author is not known.

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. “My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God.

“Dear Heavenly … Read the rest...

Third Place, 2003 PunOff — Stephen Nagle

Here is Steve Nagel’s multilingual routine which won third place at the 26th O Henry International Pun-Off.

The judge’s voting ended in a three way tie between Steve Nagel, Joseph Portier and Ben Glazer. The trophy was awarded to Steve Nagel based on the audience applause to their routines.

For full impact it should be read aloud.


I came by my confusion about words naturally. I grew up hearing my grandparents speak to … Read the rest...

Warning to Golfers

This is from Lowrie Beacham. The author is not known.

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . . .POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do … Read the rest...

The Bad Brother

Mel Lett just reminded me of this ancient, venerable tale. In a flash, it came to me — I think I first heard this story from him in high school. Yeah, that makes it at least fifty years old. Nothing new under the sun, the prophet says. . .

The bad brother died. He was missed by his good brother, since he loved him despite his evil ways. Many years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything … Read the rest...