All posts for the month December, 2004

Which Story?

Wherein begins a pun cascade started by Bob Dvorak and other participants on the PUNY listserv.

Kathleen was a wreck. She’d just caught Jim fooling around (again) with another girl. What to do? What to do?

Making up her mind, she looked up “Witches” in the Yellow Pages and made an appointment to see Ms. Serry.

When she arrived she was even more agitated than before. Although the receptionist offered her a seat, some tea, and something to read, Kathleen … Read the rest...

Warning to Golfers

This is from Lowrie Beacham. The author is not known.

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden . . .POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, “I’m Mother Nature! Do … Read the rest...

The Night Before Christmas Parodies XXIV (Scientific Explanation)

We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.

Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric

Read the rest...

The Night Before Christmas Parodies XXIII (Party On, Dude, Style)

We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all I could hear
Was my party guests screaming, “We’ve run out of beer!”
I laughed for a moment, said, “They’re pulling my leg”
For I had just tapped a half-barrel keg.

“No, Really, we’re out!” someone shrieked out of fright
And the crowd grew more restless; surely thereÕd be a fight.
“Now relax,” I said calmly “I’ve got plenty more brew”
“I’ve got Coors

Read the rest...

Professional Advice

This old classic was sent to us by Tom Vickery.

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening to me and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”

The man replied, “My wife is trying to poison me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can this be?”

The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning my food, What should I do?”

The Rabbi then offers, … Read the rest...

Passing A Nursing Home

I can always count on Lowrie Beacham for a fresh approach to an old subject. The author is not known.

One day while passing a nursing home I noticed a number of old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual but I continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying on the lawn. This time my curiosity got … Read the rest...

The Picture On The Nightstand

This is from Cousin Roger. Thanks.

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.

“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

“No, no, no!!!” she answers.

“Well, … Read the rest...

New Grape Varietal

I originally received this from Mel Lett. I more recently received a version from Sonia Schali. After seeing all those Detrol™ commercials, there will be a great market for this product. I would recommend y’all run out and buy stock.

For all you wine lovers out there…

California vintners in the Napa Valley area that primarily produces the Pinot’s have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person … Read the rest...

The Blonde at a Football Game

A timely tale from Mel Lett. And how are them Aggies doin’ this year?

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench… After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do … Read the rest...

A Halloween Wedding

By Alan B. Combs. This was written for Ms. Scarlett whose daughter got married on October 31, 2004.

T’was a merrie young lassie, Mimosa,
Blessed child of a Family Famosa,
      Who let it be said,
      “On THIS day I wed!
Let’s honor old Bela Lugosa.”… Read the rest...