All posts for the month September, 2004

SWAT’s Inside That Counts

This is by Robert Dvorak.

Amidst a dramatic hostage situation unfolding in a bank in downtown Boston, the Commissioner summoned the head of the Police Department SWAT team. “Analysis has shown that the guy is generally visible from the window of an office on the thirty-second floor of the building diagonally across the street. Do you have someone available who can place a shot from there?”

“Well,” replied Captain O’Reilly, “We have Crazy Louie in the precinct today. Probably the … Read the rest...

Squirrel Attack, or Why the Cops Won’t Patrol Brice Street

This is for my Dean and the other intrepid Road Weariors here at The University. Mel Lett sent it to me.

I never dreamed slowly cruising through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Studies have shown that motorcycling requires more decisions per second, and more sheer data processing than nearly any other common activity or sport. The reactions and accurate decision making abilities needed have been likened to the reactions of fighter pilots! The consequences of bad decisions … Read the rest...

Shaggy Flowers

I received this from Michael Butterworth, toxicological friend and colleague from the Other-Side-of-The-Pond. He says it is very old and seasonal. The translation from Anglish to English works pretty well.

A man asked his son what he would like for his forthcoming sixth birthday. The son said he wanted a hamster so the man visited the local pet shop. There he found the perfect hamster who was in the peak of health so he bought it. He also bought a … Read the rest...

Gore on the Rampage

This is by Ralph D. Jeffords. Thank you.

Tipper and Al Gore were having a real knock-down, drag-out fight at home one day. Before things got too out of hand, Tipper escaped out the front (and only) door to their abode, slammed it shut, turned the key, and drove off to get help. Unfortunately for Al, there was no way from within to open the bolt once the key had been turned from the outside. By the time that Tipper … Read the rest...

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

A new one by rosecatt.

A doctor was called to the ranch on an old TV western. One of the cowboys had been kicked in the noggin by a half-wild pony and had a nasty bump. Doc decided to try out a new diagnostic tool which involved using a needle to extract tissue samples for culture.

Of course no one on the ranch had ever witnessed such a thing. One of the hired hands (a cook) could not resist asking … Read the rest...