All posts for the month January, 2004

Feghoot XXVIII

This is by M.T. Cicero McIntyre whose submission was part of a Feghoot contest in the Magazine of Fantasy and Science fiction in the late 1960s. The original Feghoots were by Reginald Bretnor writing under the pseudonymn of Grendel Briarton. The are many derivative tales on this pun. It is remarkable how well this particular story holds up.

Dr. Gropius Volkswagen, the philologist, was the one man who disliked Ferdinand Feghoot’s ravishing cousin, Isabeau Feghoot. “Isabeau indeed!” he would grumble. … Read the rest...

Attack Dog Shopping

This recycled tale is from Lowrie Beacham. Nowadays, it could as well be about presidential candidates.

A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specializes in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, they … Read the rest...

The Neonate

This is from William Brabant . It was published on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.

A man whose wife had just given birth to their first child was visiting the hospital nursery to see his new son. As the proud father was admiring his handsome baby through the glass partition, he could not help but notice that the baby in the next bassinet seemed frail and sickly looking by comparison.

Just then a nurse went walking by and … Read the rest...

Zoo Medicine

This is by Scott Lux

The zookeeper is seeing his psychiatrist and explains the source of his depression. “We have a wonderful specimen of Ursus maritimus but he has problems. If there is no other bear in the habitat with him, he stops eating, becomes very sluggish, and his coat fades from brilliant white to a dingy gray. Visitors think the bear is maltreated, and attendance goes down.

“If there is another bear in the habitat, he eats well, is … Read the rest...

Art Groupies

This is by Cynthia MacGregor. It is from the PUNY listserv

Teenagers don’t change from one generation to the next. They are always undependable. They are always sex-crazed. And they are always smartalecks.

Take Louise, as a case in point. She lived some time back, but she was no different from a teen of 2004. As she was a teenager of times past, Louise wasn’t a rock music devotee–in fact, her passion was art. Her parents might have been pleased … Read the rest...

Dancing Pirates

By Alan B. Combs

Untold riches. That is the goal of any self-respecting buccaneer. Gold, rubies, diamonds, bullion — all are acceptable plunder for these thieves of the high seas.

When the the ill-gotten gains are particularly good, many brigands will put their goods in a sack and swing the swag above their heads. Then they dance around in a little wiggle-waggle jig very similar to that adopted by many NFL players who have just made a touchdown.

Indeed, it … Read the rest...

One Wish

This is by Bob Dvorak and came via the PUNY listserv.

Sergei was a peasant in the old Russian Empire. Life was hard. He had food; he had a family. But the toil required to keep his family fed and warm was taking its toll on his health.

While hoeing his field one day he came upon a bottle. On opening it, he was confronted by the proverbial genie, who granted him one wish.

Unable to think very far, he … Read the rest...

Halloween Limerick

This is by Clynch Varnadore.

The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
‘Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”… Read the rest...

Walter Cronkite

This is by Martin Baker who tells us the following.

Dear Sir, I need to advise you of a nefarious plot by one of our greatest news agencies. I discovered that they tried to clone Walter Cronkite, but after creating the embryo and implanting it into the host mother, they discovered, that they were going to be producing twins. I therefore shall go and drink to absolve myself of my awareness of this heinous act of replication, thereby making of … Read the rest...

Caught in a Kosher Pickle

This is by rosecatt’s friend Fred. What a dynamic duo they make.

For all his accomplishments Sandy Koufax, the legendary pitcher, is best remembered in some quarters for his remarkable decision not to pitch in a World Series game because it fell on Yom Kippur, the most solemn of Jewish holidays. What has been buried about this day for 40 years is that another Jew, Sol Solomon, was officiating in the Series. It had been Sol’s life long dream to … Read the rest...