This tale was posted on the groaners listserv.
This is the story of a woodcarver who lived in a house in a forest with a rabbit and a housemaid. Among the duties of the housemaid was to dress the rabbit each morning as he was unable to dress himself. One day, after they had had their breakfast and the rabbit was dressed, the rabbit and the woodcarver went out into the forest to find wood that would be suitable for … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-woodman-and-the-rabbit/
I thank Stan Kegel for posting this one. Mel, do you remember when we had to join the Teamsters?
A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the brothels, nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”
“No,” she replied, “I’m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-teamster-and-the-brothel/
This was posted on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.
When South Vietnam was nearing its end and General Minh was in charge, a popular artist came to him and asked to make a statue in his honor (at government expense). “Please, General Minh, you are the people’s hero,” he told him.
“Yes, but make the sculpture in bronze,” replied the General.
So the artist made the sculpture, but when it was unveiled in a small private ceremony, the … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-general/
This tale of academic success was posted on the groaners listserve. The author is Stan Kegel.
It had been a horrible week for Henry. An entomologist at the local university, he was up for a promotion this year. With the promotion would come tenure. But there was a problem. It was not that he couldn’t teach. His Biology 210 classes were always packed and two years ago he was honored by the undergraduates by being named their favorite teacher. No, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/tenure/
This recycled humor was posted by dennyw on alt.callahans.
THE PROS AND CONS OF DATING A VAMPIRE
Pro:
Long relationships
Allowed to stay out late
Easy weight loss
Centuries of experience
Immune to all venereal diseases
Always has amazing stamina
Loves neck nibbling
Rarely interested in arguing religion
Never comes home with garlic breath
Don’t have to worry about what color of clothes to wear.
Con:
… Read the rest...Spend your time in a hypnotic daze
Parents can be hell
You always feel
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sex-and-the-modern-vampire/
A Bob Levi Original…
Russ was leaving home for the Great Lakes Training Center to start his career in the Navy. His new wife, Amy, was filled with remorse and sadness. Russ was equally brokenhearted, but he felt that in these troubled times, he needed to serve his country. So he kissed his bride farewell and left for basic training.
Of course he took a framed portrait of Amy with him. Every night Russ would sit on his bunk, stare … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/see-the-palms/
Another groaner by Stan Kegel, this was posted on the groaners listserv.
I spent several years as a entertainment director on cruise ships. In order to work on a ship you are required to attend frequent lectures in water safety. Considerable time was devoted to what you should do if you accidentally fall overboard.
It was recommended to us, not to panic, but to slowly remove all our outer clothing. However, we were warned to be certain that the blouse … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/safety-overboard/
This was published on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.
A man who despised his city’s Building Department decided to re-roof his house. He knew he was supposed to get a building permit to do this, but didn’t out of spite. He had completed most of his illegal repairs and was preparing to eliminate the sag in the eaves at the end of the house. As the man struggled to eliminate the sag in the eaves, some rotted wood … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/roof-repair/
This is by rosecatt. I found one I don’t have in the collection. Thanks, rose.
A little known fact is that the “Mexican Hat Dance” was originally invented by the Jews, during the reigns of King David and King Solomon. A special hat with a wide brim was invented, and the dancers danced to the hymns written by the aforementioned kings.
I don’t know what they called the hat itself. but I have read that the whole idea was ridiculed … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hats/
By Alan B. Combs
I note that the Jerry Seinfeld Show has been off the air for a while, but it was there long enough for several of its sayings and mannerisms to enter into the common culture. “Yada, yada, yada” is just one of the more irritating examples.
It is hard to give up show business and I see that Seinfeld is moving back into his original nightclub comedy routine circuit. Not only that, but he has also included … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/seinfeld/