Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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2003 Punoff — Second Place: PUNelope’s Come-upPUNce

Category: Gatling Puns, Rated G

By Judy Dean and June Morris for the 26th Annual 0. Henry World ChamPUNship Pun-Off Contest in Austin on May 3, 2003.


This routine won 2nd place in the Punniest of Show by a mother and daughter who has never been to the event before. It was their delivery as much as the puns that won the hearts of the judges and audience.

PUNelope’s Come-upPUNce: An ExPUNentially Ridiculous Tale of Capital (of Texas) PUNishment

Now listen carefully to deePUN appreciation and helP UNderstanding. Once UPUN a time…

Is this about a PUNny rabbit?

No.

PUNocchjo?

No, it’s about a sPUNky little girl.

RaPUNzel!

No, it’s about PUNelope ChipPUNdale, a poor girl in homesPUN clothes recovering from an apPUNdectomy. She was having cinnamon PUNs and JaPUNese tea, when she decided to go PUNgee jumping in AsPUN.

Oh, that sounds like PUN!

You mean fun.

No, I mean PUN.

So she drove off in her blue SuburPUN uP UNtil she ran out of gas, then she walked until her PUNions ached. Finally she came to a PUNinsula in PeloPUNesia where she found a PUNgalow festoooned with PUNting and a PUNana tree out front with an aPUNdance of fruit that had just riPUNed.

She had no comPUNction about picking a PUNana for herself, I suppose?

Oh, she was afraid of getting caught and PUNished, so she knocked on the door but accidentally PUNched a hole in it. Then the door oPUNed and there stood a PUNjabi wearing a cummerPUNd and perPUNdicular to his side a sword.

A weaPUN!

So PUNelope asked for a PUNana. And the PUNjabi said, “Help yourself, but first bring me a carPUNter.”

So did she find a carPUNter?

Yeah, she called Karen CarPUNter, who arrived PUNctually with some ramPUNctious fans on their way to a PUNk rock concert.

CarPUJNters fans don’t like PUNk rock.

Oh, they were going just to protest. They’d been drinking tropical PUNch all day.

So they were PUNch drunk?

By then they all needed to exPUNge, so one by one they stepped behind the PUNana tree.

Oh no!

Oh, yes! Then the PUNjabi came out and detected a PUNgent odor. He demanded, “What’s hapPUNing?

And?

Then Karen CarPUNter said, “Just like me, they had to pee close to you.”

Thankfully, the end.

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