All posts for the month April, 2002

The 25th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships


When: MAY 4, 2002 – Noon – 5 pm (SATURDAY!)
Where: Wooldridge Park, downtown Austin, TX (9th at Guadalupe)
Who: Friends of the O.Henry Museum / Austin Parks & Recreation Dept.
Why: Jest for a wordy cause!

Due to circumstances beyond the pale, the 25th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships will be once again held in Austin, Texas on Saturday, May 4, 2002. Although hotel construction … Read the rest...

Duck Soup

Here’s an original avian aquatic tale from Chris Cole.

Once upon a time Sol the duck met Miriam the duck. Duck hormones soon won out and they fell in love. They got married and eventually had a family of little ducks to follow them around the lake. Two of Sol’s offspring were teenaged females who drove him nearly nuts with their incessant chattering. Wherever the family went, the two girls would yakkity yak an endless stream of jabber. (They might … Read the rest...

The Gold Standard (Feghoot LXXXII)

By Thomas C. Gutheil, M. D., based on a character by Reginald Bretnor. This won First Prize in a Feghoot contest sponsored by the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction in 1973.

When the Galactic Senate announced, in 2366, that all planets would vote on whether or not to abandon the silver standard, no one was as alarmed as W. J. Bryan Rothschild of New Comstock, a world known as the financial hub of the universe. He at once summoned … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #22: A Maze In Greece

Paul de Anguera’s rich tale continues.

The H.M.S. Legume penetrated the ancient and heavily-eroded coast of Crete, following a tortuous channel through the crags to Rimwall Sound. The ship was searching for its lost crewmen; every eye scrutinized the shore. It was a difficult search, for the cliffs were riddled with tunnels, and the tottering pillars and walls of some vast inundated ruin extended far out into the water.

Meanwhile, the exhausted shore party waded onward into the Labyrinth, armed … Read the rest...

A Great Dane

Based on a Peanuts cartoon.

The Charles Schultz Peanuts reruns have more puns than I remember from the first time around. Recently, Snoopy was writing his novel about a couple who named their Great Dane “Good Authority.” It was right before the divorce that she asked her husband if he had seen her new belt. He replied that he thought it was a dog collar and that he had it on Good Authority.… Read the rest...

The Good Son

This tale is very old. Dick Brewer sent me this version.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said,” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know her … Read the rest...

The Wrestling Hold

This tale is by Clynch Varnadore.

A wrestler was bragging to his mates in the bar: “I had him in a half-nelson, then quickly switched to a full nelson. Still he wouldn’t give up. I finally got him to quit when I had my manager turn on an old show from the ’50’s and I kept him in the full nelson, forcing him to watch.”

“You didn’t!” another wrestler exclaimed, “That’s so cruel! The Ozzie Nelson should be outlawed!”… Read the rest...

Crossing the Vampire, Tale Two

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Thanks as always, Stan (gotta be polite, he’s a judge in the coming O. Henry PunOff).

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

“Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Marilyn. “What shall we do?”… Read the rest...

On the Planet Called Egg (Feghoot XVI)

This is by Reginald Bretner writing under the pseudonym of Grendel Briarton.

It was in 3008 that Ferdinand Feghoot, singlehanded, rescued the Reverend Mahatma G. Birdshot from the primitive humanoids of the planet called Egg, who had decided to kill him.

The Eggians took to Feghoot at once. They brought him fresh fish, fruit, and strong native beer. They gave him a bevy of their fattest, most beautiful maidens to dance the notorious erotic dances of Egg for his benefit. … Read the rest...


This is from Bob Levi. It could as well have been an Aggie tale.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; … Read the rest...