All posts for the month October, 2001

Psychiatry and Proctology

Glenda Konopka sent this expanded version of a tale that I remember from my misguided yoot.

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology”. The town’s fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to “Hysterias and Posteriors”.

This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids”. No go, so they tried “Catatonics and High Colonics”.

Thumbs … Read the rest...

Deep in the heart…

Lowrie Beacham is a wonderful source of these old tales. Thanks.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one … Read the rest...

Scott, the Slinky and the Chicken

(A tragic tale of human desire)

This is by Toby Fredrickson who tells us, “This was a story I wrote as an entry into a Renaissance Fair story telling contest several years ago. The rules: Period piece involving a slinky, a chicken, and a man named Scott. The tale is based on a concept, a story line, and many fits of pummeling for getting it wrong, from Tanya Montoya-Fredrickson.

In the Beginning, there was the heavens and earth, and there … Read the rest...

A Short Snort

This is by Jim Macaulay.

John was definitely an alcoholic. His wife, Nancy, constantly begged and harassed him to stop drinking. “If you don’t quit drinking,” she said to him, “you are going to wind up with the undertaker.”

In other words, John was putting the quart before the hearse.

Howell Gwin added:

And then there’s the coed who eloped. She put the heart before the course.… Read the rest...

Supermom (Feghoot LXXXIV)

This is by Paul Major, based on a character by Reginald Bretnor It won third Prize in a Feghoot contest sponsored by the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction in 1973.

At the end of the Missourian Momarchy, when its Women’s Lib origins were forgotten and it had fallen under the absolute dictatorship of Supermom, Ferdinand Feghoot faced one of his most dangerous decisions. Supermom (actually Hattie Lou Schultz) had been fertile, producing eighteen healthy babies, most of whom Feghoot … Read the rest...


Irrepressible. That’s our rosecatt.

Many landlubbers are unaware that the deep blue sea has a secret and highly developed social culture. There are many schools of thought as to it’s origins, and some feel it was developed eons ago when the Lost Continent of Atlantis was tragically sunk, but this might be a little fishy and schooners…. er, scholors…. debait the subject endlessly. Whatever. And who cares! This whole paragraph is stupid and doesn’t advance the tale one whit – … Read the rest...

Three Little Pigs – Jersey Version

Author unknown.

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig’s house and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.” And he did!!!!

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig’s house and said “Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.” So the stick pig let the … Read the rest...

Shaggy Texas Tale

Bob Levi sent this version of an olde Texas Tale. Lowrie Beacham added the third line.

Speaking of Texans, I’m sure that you’ve heard the one about the three Texans walking across the Golden Gate Bridge around midnight. One of them decided that he had to urinate. Since it was dark, he wasn’t concerned that he’d be seen. His companions decided to join him.

As they were relieving themselves over the side of the bridge, one of the Texans turns … Read the rest...

Why a Bed of Roses Can Turn Into a War of Roses

This is an original by Bob Levi.

Everyone has heard the expression “Make Love, Not War” but few know how it originated. It seems that the adage lost something in the original translation from Russian.

In 1812 when Napoleon’s Army retreated from Russia, a Russian General was caught by his wife in the bed a beautiful French courtesan. He pleaded that his wife should forgive him by saying, “Making this whore is not love.” The wife shot him.… Read the rest...

Indian Artifacts

By Stan Kegel

Artifacts are a major portion of an Indian reservation’s economy. Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian … Read the rest...