All posts for the month September, 2001

A Conventional Approach

By James Charlton in “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately?”

Percy Shelly was despondent. After banging out pamphlets and poems, odes and dramas with ease he had suddenly run up against that which all poets fear more than editorial rejection — writer’s block. No matter how hard he tried, nothing came. Page after page of jibberish went into the basket.

Pacing the streets of Oxford one morning he encountered his good friend Keats. Keats was in fine spirits but soon became … Read the rest...

An Artful Decision

By William Thompson and published in “Bred Any Good Rook Lately”. It helps to give the punchline French pronunciation.

The ad exec was meeting with the new client — the owner of the most successful and prestigious art gallery in the world. Dozens of sixteenth- to eighteenth-century paintings had been displayed and exchanged hands at astonishing prices. With success came expansion, and the gallery owner was looking for the right agency to handle his projected new ad budget.

The campaign … Read the rest...

Mortared Sins….

This was sent to us from Phil Shaw. It is based on the character created by Reginald Bretnor.

Brace J. Silty, an itinerant planetary prospector, had stumbled across the ruins of an ancient and advanced civilization on one of his forays. Unfortunately for him, he was unable to access any worthwhile technology or artifacts due to the incredible durability of the dead world’s major building material. However, he was able to procure a small sample of same from an edifice … Read the rest...

The Wedding Gift

The author of this serpentine tale is not known.

A female snake charmer was wooed by an undertaker and accepted his offer of marriage. They received many gifts at the wedding, but their favorite was a set of towels embroidered with the words … “Hiss and Hearse”… Read the rest...

Native American Art

This was sent to us by who says, “Puns are my LIFE. We spend hours while traveling working over particular subjects as pun-fests.”

During the Depression, the US Government sent people out to collect and catalog the art work of Native Americans. When one of these WPA leaders went to Arizona to investigate the culture of the little known Semi tribe, the headline read: Art Official in Semi Nation.… Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #11: Yours, Mine and Hours

By that punster Paul De Anguera.

Spindrift creamed from the bow; wind sang through the rigging. His Majesty’s Ship Legume was crossing the Black Sea on a starboard tack. Several sailors were lowering buckets from the bow to get cream for breakfast. Emma the Transylvanian had climbed into the rigging to join in the singing. Owen Anatu, the Boatswain, found the First Mate working grumpily at the star board. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It’s so windy that my stuff keeps … Read the rest...

A Salt and Battery

Several folks sent me this one. The author is unknown.

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander … Read the rest...

Sun Off a Beach

By Glenn Gardner []

I visited a genetic lab and was puzzled by a long necked bird, long legged for shore, pink in body, with a fluorescent blue tuft atop its head, and sporting a gold crucifix. At first I thought perhaps a pool side wader had entered one of those seaside cabanas where indigo bunting, but it turned out it was just a punk flamingo crossed with a great blue hair on. (GG)… Read the rest...

Driving Down The Highway

From Punster of the Year, Gary Hallock.

I was driving alone down the highway in my Mercury Mercur on my way to a religion convention and I picked up some hitchhikers. In the front seat, I had two Jewish Chinamen, (“Chinese Heebs” if you will) In the back seat I had two monks who were members of an obscure brotherhood of Buddhist jesters known as “The Buddhist Fools.” Next a spaceship landed and four guys got out with their green … Read the rest...

North Carolina

In honor of the North Carolina football game (whether he intended it, or not), Howell Gwinn sent the following bit of local lore.

I discovered that there are a group of very horny North Carolinians who dress up like Batman, Superman, Batgirl, etc and get together on the Outer Banks for long orgies. They’re called the Caped Hatterasexuals.… Read the rest...