(By Alan B. Combs) I wrote this stinker many years ago and have used it in my toxicology class occasionally since then. I do not remember sending it to my mailing list, nor is it on the web collection. I must have sent it somewhere, however. I found it on a web-collection of puns last night. I do hope the lady that got incensed because she thought we were advocating kicking polar bears in the ice-hole doesn’t read it.
Single … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/equinicide/
This shaggy story has been going all over the internet the last couple of months. The author is unknown. This particular version was sent to me by a dear friend from California. I am sending it to my own SO to see if I live through the night.
A middle-aged woman seemed timid as she visited her gynecologist. “Come now,” coaxed the doctor, “you’ve been seeing me for years! There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”
“This one’s kind of strange…”said … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/50/
This little incipient lawsuit is from Lowrie Beacham.
A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to ‘write’ with it.
Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, “Well, that’s great, just great…..Some asshole’s got my pen.”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/anal-retentive/
This is by John Vinson (aka John the Wysard) on alt.callahans. If you don’t get it, ask your significant computer geek.
John the Wysard (after greeting Snarko and his parrot) introduces the Bar to his new feathered friend of the same species. It’s a large, handsome, blue and green bird with alert eyes and a large bill (in both senses of the term).
“I just bought this handsome bird from an elderly sailor who called himself NaCl. He said he’d … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-parrots-tale/
From Logan (aka Logan Tygart) [sltygar@adelphia.net], this was published on alt.humor.puns and the groaners listserv.
Once, while driving around in my pickup with my pet donkey in the back, I discovered I had a flat tire. I got out and had the donkey stick its head under the bumper and lift the truck.
A passing farmer asked, “Hey, that’s a pretty clever trick. How did you teach your donkey to lift the truck?”
I replied, “Its a simple matter of … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/flat-tire/
THE 24th ANNUAL O.HENRY
PUN-OFF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
MAY 19, 2001 – Noon – 5pm
(Please note this is a shift from the traditional date of “First Sunday in May”)
FOR IMMEDIATE RELIEF:
In fragrant violation of good taste, putrid puns and wretched wordplay will be the odor of the day at the 24th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships. On Saturday, May 19 olfactory workers in the Austin area will be scent to witness the ladies and pungents in sniff competition … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-24th-annual-o-henry-pun-off-world-championships/
This story is by Jonathan Delaney. I like this pun, though it might take a stamp collector to get it.
As part of a world awareness project at school, the kids were asked to come dressed as people of all nations. This produced a colourful pageant. Well all except for one little boy, all he had was a book on parenthood for beginners, and a pair of kosher bread rolls. When the teacher asked him what country he represented. He … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/we-are-the-world/
This variant is another original by Irv Baker [irvingb@sonic.net].
A traveling salesman was driving through the marshy Louisiana countryside one night when he missed a turn and found himself in a ditch. There was nothing around but he saw a light at the end of a boardwalk so that’s where he went. The door was answered by a man who said that there was not much they could do at night but the salesman could stay at the house and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-morning-after/
This is by LIN KA-MING (aka Magus Firecow) on alt.callahans under the title of “Attila the Pun III”.
“That story reminds me of the time…” says Magus Firecow from behind his Dry Blessing (no cream, whipped or otherwise, and barely any sugar at all…).
“I was a crewman on a ship running muskets and gunpowder into France a couple hundred years ago when this story took place. Our captain was none other than the-never-heard-of-before Captain Captain. A clever man he … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/escargo-to-go/