All posts for the month March, 2001

Hyde and Seek

This tale is by Punster of the Year, Gary Hallock.

Mr. Hyde spent half the evening terrorizing young ladies of the village and finally had cornered a woman and was about to have his way with her. Much to his distress the serum suddenly wore off and he reverted to his original personality before he could commit the heinous act. You might say he suffered from premature Jekylation.… Read the rest...

My Favorite Subject

This is by Charlotte Herzele. Very nice variant of one of her earlier ones.

Alfred Lord Tennyson was an avid soccer player. When the first world championship soccer matches were played between Argentina and Britain, dear Alfred was right in the fray. Juan Valdez, on leave from his coffee duties, dribbled the ball more successfully than any other player on the team. The captain of the Brits, charged Alfie with incapacitating Sr. Valdez. Whenever Alfie showed any reluctance, the captain … Read the rest...

The Parrot — A Jewish, Original Style Shaggy Dog Story

From Jacob E Goodman [JEGCC@CUNYVM.CUNY.EDU] and posted on the groaners listserv

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancey Street one day wishing something wonderful would happen in his life when he passed a Pet Store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish, “Quawwwwk, vus machst du, yeah, du, outside, standing like a putzel*, eh?”

Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn’t believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the … Read the rest...

Another Unusual Death

This was posted on alt.callahans by John Barnstead’s cat Pernicious.

Pernicious the Musquodoboit Harbour Farm Cat is sad to submit the following news item from the latest issue of the “You Dork Times”:

Paris (AP): The entire city turned out this afternoon to mark the passing of that great entertainer, Marcel Morseaux, who met his untimely end three days ago when his shirt-sleeve was caught in a bread-slicing machine at the little boulangerie near the Moulin Rouge, where he had … Read the rest...

The Bra Sale

By Clynch Varnadore and Gary Hallock, via PUNY

There was a sale on bras. I misunderstood when my wife said the bras at the mall were all 75% off. I was ready to GO!

You might think 75% off is a good deal, but the state and local governments get a big cut when you buy more than one of the soft padded type. This is where we get the expression “Getting two downy bra’s tax.”… Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #5: The Tuning of The Shrew

This is Chapter 5 of Paul de Anguera’s Tall Ship Tales.

The next day found the storm-driven frigate far to the southwest, crossing the Carpathian Mountains on a starboard tack. Ian Vilcorus, the blacksmith, was installing new flying controls (a John Deere clutch lever for altitude, a VW Microbus steering wheel for drift), when Captain Quid appeared on the quarter-deck with his sextant clutched under his arm. This was a surprise, for nobody supposed he would have any use for … Read the rest...

Perils of a Gigolo

By Alan B. Combs. The punchline was inspired by a cartoon by Myke Ashley-Cooper and is used with his blessing. Myke has several web sites for his cartoons, [] and [], to name a couple.”

It kept on running through Fred’s head, that Louis Prima song, the one that goes, “I’m Just a gigolo, everywhere I go people know the part I’m playing.” Yeah, the song had it pretty much correct. Everyone knew Fred’s occupation, not that it bothered him … Read the rest...

If You’ve Got It, Flaut It

Howell Gwin tells us, “This came to me in a blinding flash of insight. I know not whence it came.”

There was a homeless man, typically dirty and scruffy, who played his flute on the street corners. Passers by would throw coins into his hat. As he made more money, he became more confident and more expert, until one day he decided to end his impromptu recitals with the good old classic “Bill Bailey, won’t you please come home?”. He … Read the rest...

Hard Choice

Mitch Friedman sent me this. I haven’t had a funny rude one for a while.

A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say “Supersex! Supersex!” She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she again said, “Supersex.”

He sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her and finally answered, … Read the rest...

The Magician I

This is by Clynch Varnadore on PUNY.

There was a magician who wanted to do more than mere prestidigitation, who had managed across a book which contained all manner of spell, both good and ill. Of particular interest was a spell wherein he could raise the dead. He tried this spell on some animals and discovered that it worked quite well, so he started showing it to various agents in Hollywood.

One agent hit upon a particularly interesting idea; what … Read the rest...