All posts for the month February, 2001

Kitty Birthright

This is by Sailor Jim Johnston on alt.callahans.

Sailor Jim is lying back on his sofa, bemused and chuckling softly to himself.

I’ve written about the kittens Dian and I are raising, the Thanksgiving twins. Filbert and Timmy, to be precise. Every morning, I awake to find them nestled up against my back. Then I head into the kitchen for a cuppa and they follow, purring and softly meowing for attention. Then, coffee cup in hand, I head for the … Read the rest...

Unlucky Bird

This is from “Jeff Nickerson” [] on the groaners listserv.

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.

Just then the light turned green, and there I was with a bird stuck … Read the rest...

Helen’s Pun

This was posted by John Vinson (John the Wysard) on alt.callahans. It by his friend Helen.

John the Wysard enters the Bar (having a quick chat with Mark Allread before doing so) and says, “I went to a concert this afternoon with my friend Helen, a new friend named Kitty, and my wife Karen. It was fun.”

“As we left, Helen (a delightful lady in her 70s) told a story…”

“A sea monster was swimming around in the deep ocean … Read the rest...

Request for URL — Urgent

This is by Glenn Gardner. It was posted on alt.humor.puns.

I received a lovely plaque with my personal monogram engraved on it. I wanted to display it in the garden, held by a small porcelain figurine. I was unable to find one that struck my fancy, but my flamboyant neighbor agreed to stand around holding the monogram, provided I would dress him up in a flashy evening gown. Can anybody here direct me to that new web site I’ve been … Read the rest...

Minnesotans in Hell

Bob Levi sends us this tale of hope and optimism.

Two guys from International Falls die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire.

The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

The two guys reply, “Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesota, the land of snow and ice and cold. … Read the rest...

The Chinese Refugee

This is by Bela Roberts from Pun Amerivan Newsletter. Stan Kegel posted it on the groaners listserv.

A certain Mr. Chou, to save his life, fled from his native China during a revolution, leaving a son behind. Years later, he returned to search for his long lost son. He learned that a family named Gault (a common name there, like Smith) had spirited his son away for safety. Extensive searching and the questioning of several young men who might have … Read the rest...

Conflict of Conscience

Mel Lett sent me this. I do not know its original source, but I like it.

Ever worry about your doctor and someone you love? Read below.

Dave had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But, every once in a while, he’d hear that soothing voice in his head, trying to reassure him: “Dave, don’t worry about it. You weren’t the … Read the rest...

Subtleties of Medical Education

This is by Thomas Pitre, Sequim, WA.

A young intern was working in the emergency room one evening as his supervising physician pulled him aside. He was chastised for treating an attractive young woman that sat on a tube of super glue before he treated an old man that burned himself on the hand while cooking. The intern argued his case, but lost the argument and his job. He had not learned that a burn on the hand is worse … Read the rest...

A Bad Case of Indigestion?

This is from Alice Collins []. Thank you.

The Ides of March are upon (upun?) us and I see you don’t have the one about how Caesar’s murder really took place. It seems it took place right after breakfast. Caesar is walking to the Forum, and he meets Brutus.

Brutus says, “Good morning, Caesar.”

Caesar says, “Good morning, Brutus.”

Brutus asks, “Have you had breakfast yet?”

Caesar answers, “Yes, I have.”

Brutus then asks,”What did you have?”

Caesar answers, “Oh, … Read the rest...

Pig Zen

The is by who says, “This one you can blame on me!” I do like it.

Why did certain mystic sects in Judea subscribe to an ascetic lifestyle, one that especially included the observance of very strict Levitical dietary laws?

Because not doing so often made for a very tricky gnosis.

Two excellent addenda to this morning’s Pig Zen story came back almost immediately.

Bob Levi said:

“I had to look up gnosis in my online MW dictionary. It’s … Read the rest...