All posts for the month December, 2000

Seeing Tsars, Again

This was posted on alt.callahans by Paul de Anguera ( in response to the “Seeing Tsars” shaggy dog.

May I ask a huge favor? I would really like to borrow your multiverse for a minute. I had been trying to work out an addition to mine, but needed a certain element to carry it off which seemed to me impossible to concoct — only to discover that you had done it!

You see, Cilantro, the ex-spy whom the ship picked … Read the rest...


By Cynthia MacGregor [] via PUNY []

A friend of mine told me he recently went to Turkey, but I think that’s just a load of Istanbul. He’s a mathematician, and he was conferring with other scientists, trying to find something called a constant. He thought he might find the constant in Nople.

He met with a Turk who offered him the Turk key to a tricky equation. “Wait a minaret!” my friend said. “Look at how grimy you’ve gotten … Read the rest...


Stan Kegel posted this to the groaners listserv.

All afternoon a real estate agent had been showing a young couple empty houses. The ones they loathed always seemed to be available, but others had invariably snapped up the ones that struck their fancy. Finally, they came to a house at the very edge of town and fell in love with it.

“Please,” they begged, “tell us that this one we can have.”

“It’s yours,” beamed the agent. “It’s last, but … Read the rest...

The Adopted Rabbit

Stan Kegel posted this on the groaners listserv.

An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to eschew jumping, but rather to embrace running around like its step-siblings.

As the rabbit passed through puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don’t we all!). It … Read the rest...

G. W. Bush Travels

This was published by Larry [] on the Gaggle of Groaners listserv.

George W. Bush was arriving at the Dallas airport and had to get to an important meeting. His limo wasn’t there to pick him up, so he was forced to select a cab from the groups parked in front of the terminal. It was the first time in a long while that he had seen the yellow rows of taxis.… Read the rest...

Spiritual Star Trek

This is an original by Bob Levi.

I once heard about an American professor who went on an extended sabbatical. He took leave from his teaching duties to do some research at a university in Glasgow. Being someone who liked his nightly pick-me-up, he went to the local pub, the Ram and Tam, when he arrived. He was disappointed to find that the publican, Angus McTavish, did not stock his favorite beverage, Jim Beam bourbon.

Night after night, McTavish attempted … Read the rest...

Decorate the Christmas Tree

This is an original groaner by Glenda Konopka who says, “I swear on my children’s lives that I have never, ever done anything like this before, but this is a true story that happened last weekend while we were decorating the tree.”

Christmas was upon us once again and it was time to hang the ornaments on the tree. As anyone who has tackled this annual balance between engineering feat and artistic expression knows, the strategic placement of each ornament … Read the rest...

Looking for Ken?

This was sent to Janice Sutton by Patty Esfandiari.

This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of the famous dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others. I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so, I figured he must like the dolls himself.

“Bill,” I said going up to him, “I didn’t know … Read the rest...

The Weapon

his is by PaTRICK hesTER of PUNY.

Anyone familiar with the British comedy team Monty Python may remember a skit where soldiers were being taught to defend themselves against an enemy armed with a banana (drop the 16 ton weight on them), or a handful of grapes (release the tiger). One soldier was concerned about how to defend against an enemy armed with a pointed stick.

Well, that was a long time ago, and those craft Englishmen have kept up … Read the rest...

Let Your Hair Down

This was posted by Don Kirkman via alt.humor.puns.

Out here near Hollywoodland, they’re starting to make a fuss over the beautiful lady rapper with the long blond hair. One of her trademarks is the way she works puns into her lyrics.

Apparently one of entertainment reporters asked her why she does that, and she told him that it’s because, obviously, rap puns sell.… Read the rest...