All posts for the month February, 2000

Eternity in an Hour or So

Howell H. Gwin sent this to me.

Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.”

To which the gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one!”… Read the rest...

Upon This Rock….

Bob Levi sent this one to me.

A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like nothing more than a tiny pebble.

“Well,” his therapist responded, “if you want to get the girl, you’ll just have to be a little boulder!”… Read the rest...

The Rally

This was posted by Felix Kern on the groaners listserv.

Once a year, the collectors of antique tents in Germany get together for a rally. Last year, the organizers decided to hold it in Meinz. Unfortunately, the local burghers took a dim view of so great an influx of tourists ruining their turf with tent pegs. The citizens organized themselves so thoroughly that they even had an anthem: . . . “Let Old and Quaint Tents Be Forgot and Never … Read the rest...

Deconstruction Art Critics

This is a short original from Chris Cole.

Did you hear about the vandals that removed the eyes, ears, nose and mouth from the Smithsonian Museum’s “Mister Potato Head” exhibit?

They were charged with defacing.… Read the rest...

WYE? Because we said so…

This is by K. Thulin and was sent to the P.U.N.Y. list serv. Getting the pun may serve as an additional measure of the number of grey hears on your head.

A little know part of the WYE Accords permits the Palestinians to produce benign biological products which can be marketed throughout the world. The Israelis, always vigilant, insisted that any product made of this biological material be transported in pale red vehicles. Said vehicles are required to be fuelled … Read the rest...

The P.A. Meeting

This is by Dr. Rob Hampson [], another pharmacologist on alt.callahans.

[Scene, an auditorium, there are 5 rows of chairs toward the front, facing a small lectern. About two dozen adults, and a couple of teenagers are sitting in the folding metal chairs. One chair is turned around, facing the others at the front. The man sitting in that chair gestures to someone on the front row who stands and walks to the lectern.]

“Uh, hello, my name is Robert”… Read the rest...

On the Dole

This is adapted from a recent Shoe cartoon (January 2000), and posted with permission.

If you like snakes, lizards, turtles, and such creatures, there is a chain of stores in Austin called Herpeton. Patrons can go in to be delighted by the contents, or they can bring in their spouses to be horrified. It all depends on the point of view and the inherent state of one’s salvation.

Recently, a particular disease was epidemic in this pet store. All of … Read the rest...

An Indian Tale

This is by Bob Levi and was published on the Groaners listserv.

There once was a Mexican Indian brave by the name of De-su Lopez. He had a tragic accident as a boy when he slipped crossing a stream and badly fractured a knee cap on the rocks of the shallow rivulet. Of course, he was subsequently known as De-su One-Knee River. (What do you mean that Mexican Indians don’t name their braves after an event in their youth like … Read the rest...

Mary Poppins Variant

I received this Mary Poppins Variant from Glenda Konopka.

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

“Certainly madam,” he replied courteously.

“Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary.

“Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all night.

Would you care to select something from this menu?”

Mary smiled and took the menu … Read the rest...

One Good Urn Deserves Another

Another original synaptic surprise from Chris Cole.

Once upon a time three adult siblings all perished in a terrible car wreck. They were loved by all and the local townsfolks often referred to them by their nicknames. First, there was Florence, whose penchant for “foo-foo” kinds of decorations earned her “Foo”. Then there was Sutton, whose winsome, informal personality had folks fondly calling “Sutt”. Finally, there was their avid bird-watcher sibling who left to make an immense fortune in the … Read the rest...