All posts for the month December, 1999

Looking for Mr. Goodcode – The story of Micro and Mini

This was posted on the Groaners listserv (From Randall Woodman).

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the S100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his … Read the rest...

The Spy

A version of this tale is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.” A similar version has been attributed to Bennett Cerf.

Wolff Kissinger was a spy. He was the bane of the Nazis during the war, for although they sought him everywhere, they were never able to lay a hand, bullet or poisoned dart on him. The reason was that Wolff was a master of disguise.

Once he was an old flower woman, calling out her posies in … Read the rest...

Transcending Dental

Also from Alyn George []

Just a thought:

If Clark Kent instead of a reporter, had been a dentist with a strong conviction of the benefits of dairy products because of their high calcium content, would his alter-ego have stood for Tooth Justice and the American Whey?… Read the rest...

In The Barnyard

John Fleming posted this on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.

A mother pig was walking through the barnyard one day with one of her piglets. Suddenly, a raccoon raced out from behind the barn and scared the living daylights out of the mother pig. … The little hog laughed to see such a plight and the sow jumped over the coon.

We are reminded of a recent cartoon in which a cow lost her pants while going down … Read the rest...

A porcelain guide by night and bidet

By Alan B. Combs

This is a tale of commercial competition in the making and sales of fine porcelain and china. Noritake, Wedgwood, Mikasa, Lenox and others are among the world’s most famous brands. Buying a collection of any of these could deplete the whole retirement, I’m afraid.

Mikasa is a previously stodgy Japanese company that has been wanting to expand its markets, particularly in Latin America. Along this line, they have been searching for sales mottos that would show … Read the rest...

Shaggy Hygiene

I received this from Alyn George []. Very nice, and thanks.

Little Amy came home from school one Wednesday afternoon with a note from her teacher:

“Amy’s a little distraught as we discovered an outbreak of nits in the school and had to call in the local clinic to treat the children. Please, understand that Amy hasn’t been singled out, all the children underwent the same procedure – we had to nip this in the bud.”

The following morning, Amy … Read the rest...

The Tridkicker

Dave Colby posted this on the Groaners listserv. The computer nerds will groan louder than the others. The author is unknown.

The legend of the Tridkicker is already known far and wide, so I won’t repeat it. But there’s more to the story.

Our Tridkicker was getting old, and was finding it more difficult to kick Trids as far as he used to. Besides, he had recently installed cable TV and there was so much that he wanted to … Read the rest...

Some Don’t Like Physics, Either

This tale was written by Stan Kegel. It was sent by Bevjoe and was posted on the Godshome listserv.

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

“What else do you have?” … Read the rest...

Fowl News

This story reverberated all over the internet last year (2000). I much have received ten copies. The author is unknown, but it is found on many different humor sites.

My uncle was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

My uncle kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn’t perform well went into the pot and was … Read the rest...

Catholics: I’ve got….

This is by Stan Kegel and was posted in the groaners listserv.

Before Al Gore became vice president of the United States, he worked briefly as a drummer for a little known night club act. Some people say that during that time he came up with the best most mathematically precise rhythms ever known to man. They are now called appropriately enough:. . . Al Gore Rhythms.… Read the rest...