All posts for the month July, 1999

Phantom Shopping Center

by Alan B. Combs

Over the last few days, I have been watching with amazement the reconstruction of one of our large indoor shopping centers. What they have been doing is painting the place in a red and black motif, and they have constructed large artificial horns on the top.

I finally figured it out when they advertised they are going to rename the place “Darth.”… Read the rest...

Literate abuse

This short tale is by Linda L. Wilkinson (aka Blessing) on alt.callahans.

Blessing quickly leaves her usual spot at the end of the bar and flits over to the Bookshelf(tm). A heavy, black-bound volume quietly rises into the air, the pages flipping. “Hmmm, ah!..nope..mmmmmmm…” The pages flip back again. “Sorry, dear Xzerrion (the previous punster). I’ve scanned the Compleat Thirteen Volume Set of Twelve Step Programs and the only thing that comes close is a group for Arizonians who can’t … Read the rest...

Masquerade Party

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

An older man wearing a stove pipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, “Going to a party?”

“Yeah,” the man answered, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln.” protested the barkeep.

“That’s right. … My last four scores were seven years ago.”… Read the rest...


I have tried to collect as many as possible of the classic shaggy dog stories/groaners for our shaggy dog page. This is an old classic which was not in my collection. I thank Stan Kegel for sending it from his archives.

There was this troupe of dancers that traveled around the country dancing in clubs and theaters. They were called the Steppers. At one club, the Steppers did such a good job of pulling in patrons that the management gave … Read the rest...

The Ark

These were posted by Jake Katz (aka Mephistoff Ellis) on alt.callahans. Thanks.

Ham and Shem were through with their labors and rested, watching their father. He raised his eyes to the heavens and said, “Okay, Lord, we got the ark all built. Now what?”

A booming voice replied, “Noah, you must go forth and gather two of each kind of animal, one male and one female, that they may replenish the earth when my waters recede.”

“Ummm… listen, that’s well … Read the rest...


This shaggy dog is from Bob Levi. Thanks. (First try, hmmm?)

A number of years ago, I was returning on a trip with a new friend and start flinging feghoots about. I lamented that I wish I could create one and my friend challenged me to try. Here’s what I came up with —

A university veterinary school applied and received a grant to study the digestive process in cattle as a model for learning more about human digestion. A … Read the rest...

Medical Breakthrough or Punishment?

This particular story is found all over the internet.

The Institute of Paranomasial Research announced today that they have isolated the cause of Severe Paranormasia. Paranomasia, the often debilitating condition which causes unusual misuse of the English language, is found in less than 1% of the population.

An Institute spokesman stated, “We have long sought the cause of this propensity to producing a prolific plethora of puns. Paranomasia is caused by the newly discovered hormone Punosterone. Punosterone is secreted by … Read the rest...