All posts for the month April, 1999

The Advertisement

From: Gilbert Krebs []

There was an advertisement in a Nebraska newspaper which said, “Tired of the same old taste of a hamburger? Try the great new spread, Getty’s. Available at all Lincoln supermarkets. Give your hamburgers a new taste. Treat your hamburger to . . . Lincoln’s Getty’s Burger Dress.”… Read the rest...

A Vast Golf

This is from Austin Ziegler [] and was posted on alt.callahans. It is here with permission and the proviso that it may not be copied or used for any other purpose without his permission. Thank you, Austin.

Everyone’s Uncle Feghoot visited me recently and told me of a story earlier this century involving a person who would later be quite famous.

The personage involved didn’t like to have this story told, of course, since it was quite embarrasing, so all … Read the rest...

Where the cotton and the corn and taters grow…

This is from Gilbert Krebs []. I recently requested the puns associated with several punchlines I didn’t have in the collection and he sent many, including this one.

Johann Sebastian Bach and Virginia Wolfe were cavorting in Heaven.

Virginia slipped and fell and said, . . . “Carry me, Bach.”

“Too old, Virginny?” he replied.… Read the rest...

Shaggy Dachshund

This was posted by Grieg Olson. It can be found on several pages on the internet.

The great German actress Zelda had done everything but for one thing; she’d never won an Academy Award. She was known for being terribly temperamental and choosy about her parts, but was also known to soften for the promise of the elusive award.

One day she was called by the great director, Meyer Schmidt, and asked to review a new script he had. She … Read the rest...

Frying Tuck

This was written and posted on PUNY by Gatotomaso. Pretty good groaner, actually. Just don’t let such creations get to be a habit.

When Friar Tuck was a part of Robin Hood’s band in Sherwood Forest, he owned a small donkey which he used on occasion to transport his well fed frame. Being that he was more interested in feeding that frame, he neglected his donkey to the point where it became infested with lice and other vermin. This was … Read the rest...

Psychic Dog

William Owen posted this Shaggy Dog on the Central Oklahoma Radio Control Society home page. He received it from Bill Baker, though the author is unknown.

It is common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two-wire circuit and ground. When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two-wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other.… Read the rest...

The Latest in Aerogels

by Alan B. Combs

This is dedicated to that campy, beautiful, buxom, slinky creature who is the epitome of bad taste in late night television. I love her.

One of the current technological areas of great interest to many is in the creation of aerogels. These are solids that are composed mostly of air, not unlike whipped sea-foam, but lighter.

One part of this effort is dedicated to using viruses to biosynthetically create these aerogels. In particular, there is much … Read the rest...


This was posted on the groaners listserv and is from the Punster. It is a take off on the Bulwer-Lytton story so favored by Snoopy.

A college student faced a rather bleak evening with nothing to do and nobody to do it with.

He began going from residence hall to residence hall to see what was going on. No luck!

He returned to his room and sat down to make an entry into his journal. He began, . . . … Read the rest...

Programming Problems

This computer tale was sent to us by Andy Skinner who says, “This came to me during a computer architecture course at UNC.”

As fast as computers go these days, one of the strategies of a computer processor is to allow multiple operations to go on at the same time. You have to ensure that things happen in the correct order, however.

If a program instructs the computer to read from a certain memory location and then write to it, … Read the rest...

Study Help

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

An individual who completes a two or three year course of study in a nursing school still must pass the state examination in order to become a Registered Nurse. A nursing school in the midwest became concerned about helping students prepare for exams so they would be more likely to earn scores high enough to pass the tests. One of the instructors came up with an idea that was adopted.… Read the rest...