All posts for the month March, 1998


This response to another pun was posted on alt.callahans by John Barnstead.

Then there was the method by which ancient Vikings made certain that their water sources were kept clear of excess sediment: they simply set fire to the nearest opponent and threw him in, it being well-known even in those days of yore that a well has no slurry, by a foe man warmed….… Read the rest...

Cattle Call

These are in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”

An Australian Bushland farmer decided one day that he would sell his cattle as a cash protection against a predicted drought. He called a cattle buyer who examined the bovines and set a price. Deciding it was far too low, the farmer decided he might do better by offering them for auction at the district fair. There, the cows broke loose and trampled down a gate leading to a tent … Read the rest...

Piano Revival

This was posted by Christopher D. Heer in alt.humor.puns. The author is unknown, but versions abound on the internet.

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to … Read the rest...

Oh, rheally?

This was posted by M.Giles on alt.callahans. The author is not known.

A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something totally different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of land.

His rhea farm was soon doing a booming business as there appeared to be a great demand for the birds. Not being satisfied with just selling the birds, the rhea farmer started … Read the rest...

Ga, Ga over this one

Dan Dutcher wrote this version for Stan Kegel. Older versions exist. It is all over the internet, and I found a copy on the Georgia Tech Alumni site under the title “World’s Worst Joke”. That, it is not.

In conjunction with his retaliation against a coup attempt by a number of rebellious nobles, King George I had a huge mahogany torture rack constructed, intending to utilize it in punishing the leaders of an uprising. His advisors solved the problem of … Read the rest...

To humor a Scandinavian

This was posted by lightlrd (The Unloved) in alt.callahans.

I recently spent a week camping in the deep woods. The camp grounds I was in had a black bear problem — I personally saw at least two different bears. The bears would regularly wander into occupied campsites, sniff around, and frighten the bejeezus out of any inexperienced campers. (They also raided any food left out in the open, of course.)

The camp staff this year was quite well-trained, and properly … Read the rest...

Pauline Perils

Here’s another synaptic sampling from Chris Cole.

New Testament theologians have long known that the Apostle Paul wrote some of his epistles while in prison. It wasn’t until just recently, however, that they came across some historical references to how he managed to smuggle these inspired messages out of prison and get them to his intended recipients.

From deep within one of his many dungeon incarcerations, Paul was able to gain access to the bow and arrow of one of … Read the rest...

Gamey Dice II

I recently posted the pun, Gamey Dice, a pun that was created by Lin Ka-Ming (aka Magus Firecow). The punchline in this story was “Milton’s pair of dice lost to Al + Gary’s define comedy”.

To which John Barnstead replied:

The first omitted bit concerns the fabled Kublai Khan Kallahan’s Mystic Artifact Repository Tower (aka KKK-MART), which, as the architecturally astute Magus has rightly indicated, had serious structural flaws. These had, in fact, brought about the collapse of the tower … Read the rest...

Cats as Cats Can

Chris Cole remembers seeing/hearing this little gem in an old Danny Kaye movie, which was probably made in the 1940’s (black & white film). This bilingual pun was sent to Brian by Lorraine Jacques ( Mercy, mercy! Himie Koshevoy has a version of this story in his “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”

Young Marie was excited. She was going to visit her cousin Madeline in France. She was going to stay an entire summer and she was excited about meeting … Read the rest...

About those fears….

by Alan B. Combs

A psychologist friend has altogether too many patients with bizarre phobias with whom she must deal. One patient has an abnormal, paralizing fear of spiders. Another, is reluctant to go out at night, another to go out during the day. Several are afraid to walk on sidewalks because of the potential injury to their mothers’ backs. One patient is desperately afraid to spend money. Another is worried about getting disease from the germs on paper money. … Read the rest...