All posts for the month February, 1998

Gamey Dice

This was posted a couple of years ago on alt.callahans by Lin Ka-Ming (aka Magus Firecow).

Magus Firecow, finally done with finals returns to AC, to deliver the following:

Milton Bradley, those famous board game makers were successful because they had supernatural help. You see, they were given two dice that contained the answers to all the questions one could possibly ask.

These powerful random number generators are kept in the little known, Super-natural Mystic Artifact Repository Tower – All-knowing … Read the rest...

Whirled Cup

This from Norm Gilbert via Stan Kegel.

One of General Motor’s employees decided to get away from the picket lines and take a holiday in France. He saw that the local bank’s armoured truck was being robbed. He reached for his gun and began shooting at the robbers. Sad to report his only hit was to mortally wound Dannette’s medical examiner. headlines read, . . .

“Striker fired a shot past the gold keeper into the coroner of Dannette.”… Read the rest...

Ferdinand and Feckless Go Golfing

This original was submitted by Gregory Lepore. Thank you.

One day while lounging beside his sunny, suburban swimming pool, Ferdinand Feghoot received a telegram from John Smith, author of the recent best-seller -King-, a biography of Henry the Eighth. Smith was inviting Ferdinand and his son Feckless to play golf with him at a nearby country club. Knowing that Smith hated to golf and, knowing that Ferdinand hated Smith, Feghoot decided to go and ascertain what Smith’s intentions were. In … Read the rest...

Essene Essence and other old tales

By Alan B. Combs and Chris Cole

Archeology, that ancient science of antiquities (or is it the antiquated science of ancients), received much favorable press with the Indiana Jones sagas. Usually, though, archeology is more quiet than that.

One exception to this quiet occurred a few years ago in the Middle East when a new cache of ancient written material was found near the Northern border of the Dead Sea. Controversy arose immediately. It appeared that while many of the … Read the rest...

Once Upon a Night….

From Doug Fitler — long, convoluted, it belongs here.

Many years ago, a traveler came to the ancient land of Day. As he traveled through the country side he saw many fields and pastures. The people working the land all appeared to be peasants, living in abject poverty. However, all he passed seemed to be in good spirits. Asking a peasant how he could be so happy while living in such an impoverished state, the man told him that this … Read the rest...

Francis, Key to the Ship

This was posted by kwiz (aka Martin Baker) on alt.callahans. The author is unknown.

The short stocky gentleman appears from a corner carrying a leather bag which clanks alarmingly as he aproaches the bar. He pauses, removes several glittering gold sovereigns, places them in the cigar box on the bar, then appropriates a bottle of Glenbannock and heads for a table….

“All this talk of tall ships reminds me of the good ship Intercoursus, out of Thermopylae. The foredeck crew, … Read the rest...

Diving Contest

Brian received this one from Paul Thomas.

The rich man aboard his sailing ship in New York’s East river watched the poor kids diving off a pier. He paid particular attention to one of the divers because of his apparent ability. He went to the pier and invited the outstanding diver to his ship for a diving contest.

When the young guy got there, he found six other divers that were in the contest. As the contest wore on, it … Read the rest...

The Long and the Short of It

Another original from Chris Cole.

Recently an NBA player went in for arthroscopic surgery on both knees at the same time. Somehow, the doctor really screwed up and the player came out of surgery six inches shorter than when he went in.

Well, the player was outraged and royally chewed out the doctor, who, in a fit of pique of his own, responded by insulting the NBA star, making snide jokes about his sudden post-surgical shortness. The player hobbled off, … Read the rest...

Native American Lunacy

This shaggy tale was from Michael Brimberry; worth *passing* on.

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard a noise, so he looked inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, “How long have you been down there in that awful hole?”

The Indian replied, “Many moons.”… Read the rest...

Sea Food Joke, Tell Food Joke

This was submitted by Seth Cohen, a student at one of the *other* colleges of Pharmacy.

The Local AM Radio station here ran a story this morning about a research project that is involved in feeding Prozac to clams.

I called the station to ask where this study was being conducted, and they said it’s in Gettysburg, PA.

I then said to the DJ, “I didn’t know Prozac was a mussel relaxant.”

I heard him sputter coffee right before he … Read the rest...