All posts for the month December, 1996

The little Tree

One day in the forest, a little tree got to wondering exactly what kind of tree he was. A woodpecker happened along while the little guy as he was pondering this. He asked the bird. That big tree over there looks old and wise. I bet it knows who my parents were, but it can’t hear me from here. Do you think you could fly over there and ask it if I am a son of a birch or a … Read the rest...

Feghoot XXXV: Ferdinand Feghoot on the Planet Madama Butterfry

This version of a lovely old Feghoot was sent to me by Warren Cory. The original version was by Reginald Bretnor.

It was because of Ferdinand Feghoot that the great composer Richard Wagner found himself under arrest on the planet Madama Butterfry in the year 5735. Feghoot had told him of the planet whose inhabitants claimed that every opera theme had been stolen from them. “Vhat!” cried Wagner. “Only Teutonic ideas are good for grand opera! Vhere is this planet? … Read the rest...

Madonna in White

By Alan B. Combs

Christina, a most beautiful child, was born an albino. As an adult, she was even more spectacular. The effect was most intriguing, silver-white skin, almost argent in its nature. Everyone loved her — except for Ronald, who, we must confess had a deep streak of prejudice against the extraordinary. And, as it always happens, she fell deeply, madly in love with Ronald.

Against the advice of all those who had her best interests at heart, Tina … Read the rest...

Northern Lights

Stan Kegel and Gary Hallock are responsible for the punchline.

This guy and his girlfriend lived in Austin and they decided to go and see the northern lights. They figured that they would just drive north on I-35 until they got to the end and that should do it. So, they set out on their trip and they’re both very excited. They are so excited that it is all they can talk about.

Well, after a couple of days they … Read the rest...

It’s a ‘Strain wiggle!

The author is unknown.

As has been pointed out, that “~” thing is called a “tilde”. Walt Whitman was one of the most avid advocates of it’s usage, and until his death he devoted untold hours making others aware of it’s potential. So today, as I use that little button on the upper left of my keyboard, I often feel like Walt’s in my tilde.… Read the rest...

Beethoven’s Sympathy

I received this from Richard P. Stymans who received it from George Cooper. Mel Kozlowski also sent a very similar story.

A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing “Beethoven’s Ninth” under the baton of Milton Katims….

At this point, you must understand two things: First, there’s a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don’t have a thing to do, not a single note for page after page. Second, there used to be a tavern … Read the rest...

The Shepherds

This was posted by Stan Kegel on alt.callahans.

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, “So, how’s it going?”

The second one sighed and shook his head, “Not good, I can’t pay my bills, my health isn’t good, my kids don’t respect me, and my wife is mad at me.”

The first replied, “Well, don’t lose any sheep over it.”… Read the rest...

Play Ball

This story is *really* old and, somehow, has escaped inclusion in the collection until now. Many variations exist, some of which have been, or soon will be included.

Actually, this story concerns three elderly ladies, a large bottle of Jack Daniels (Black Label), and a baseball game. In addition, you get to be a detective. Our three protagonists went to their first Rangers game, something that was an occasion of great excitment to them. To add to the excitement, they … Read the rest...

Hie Thee to a Nunnery!

This was posted on alt.callahans by John the Wysard who attributes it to an EcuLaugh meeting on PresbyNet…

PRILEP, Yugoslavia (AP) – Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning more than 2,000 years.

When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of … Read the rest...

Just the crumbs….

This is an original from Lee R. Martin. With the recent re-release of Star Wars, it becomes even more relevant. Kate (Kate M. Kulig) posted a similar version.

A father took his little girl to see Star Wars. He noticed she alternated between excitement and puzzlement. After the movie he asked her what she thought of it. She replied “Well Dad, I liked it a lot, except I couldn’t understand a word that big hairy guy said.”

He laughed and … Read the rest...