All posts for the month June, 1996

The Dog’s Tale

I think it was in a different pub where the landlord had a big problem when a dog was run over by a tram outside his door late one night – the poor animal had his tail cut off and died from loss of blood.

Every night at midnight, the ghost of the dog came back to look for his tail, but couldn’t find it, so just sat there howling until 1am.

When a barman asked his boss why he … Read the rest...

Toyota Salesman

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like “HONDA.” The man was besides himself. Every few minutes “HONDA”, “HONDA”….

Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate … Read the rest...


This is for my dear, precious Mary Ann, of course. It turns out this story is much older than I thought it was. “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969, has a version of the second punchline.

It was a mystery fit only for the great Sherlock Holmes, himself. The day after every full moon, members of a Japanese fraternity would be found dead in the hall on the fourth floor. The victims were crushed and there were signs … Read the rest...

Fish’s Tale

I have just been thinking about the all times I used to spend fishing. A favorite technique was to find a nice tall Ponderosa at the edge of a stream. I would sit down in the shade in front of it and cast my line into one little eddy after another.

I really enjoyed those days of casting swirls before pine.… Read the rest...

Buddhist Cuisine?

We have not been able to find the source of this story.

A Buddhist gentleman was in the habit of leaving a bit of food on an altar each morning before departing for work. One morning he had left a freshly fried eggroll. Before he left the house, he noticed that the tidbit had disappeared. When he questioned his houseboy about the matter, the houseboy guiltily replied, “I knaw its only wokkened roll — Buddha lack it.”… Read the rest...

A No ‘Count Story

This particular story is very, very old.

There was this war on, do you see, and the Count was captured. His captors tried and tried to get him to reveal his military secrets, but he staunchly said, “I’ll never tell!” They imprisoned him, and tortured him, and threatened him, but he always said, “I’ll never tell!”

Finally, they said, “Either reveal your secrets or we put you to death!”

“I’ll never tell!”, said the Count. So they put his head … Read the rest...

Mary Poppins

After Mary Poppins became older, she gave up being a nanny and retired to the West Coast of the United States. After a while, she became bored and decided to open up a small detective agency specializing in solving crimes using her psychic ability and strong nose. She opened a small space on Hollywood Boulevard and posted her sign proudly. It read:

“Super California Mystic, Expert Halitosis.”

Lloyd Botway asked about the source of this well-traveled pun and I said … Read the rest...

About Those Big Cats

Himie Koshevoy tells a version of this story.

Mother Lion and Father Lion had gone off hunting, and had told their two children not to wander away. However, a couple of small wildebeests wandered by, and the baby lions could not resist the temptation to try out their own hunting skills. They ran out, chased after the animals, killed them, and started eating them.

Just as the baby lions were reaching the end of their meal, the parents appeared in … Read the rest...

Feghoot a la Robinson

This Feghoot (based on a character by Reginald Bretner) was created by Spider Robinson, one of SF’s great punsters. It is from his ANTINOMY collection (1980 Dell paperback, now permanently out of print). It may be the only triple Feghoot ever written.

Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge. There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) … Read the rest...

About the War Effort

I think this one is an older one than many.

Did you get the whole story about the great effort to protect the Rose windows of Chartres during the World Wars?

Teams of Indian and Jamaican students from the English “public school” Harrows came over to France to help save the windows. They stored them in a barn, under dried cornstalks.

Yes, that’s right — Harrows colored classes used arroz-colored grasses to cover rose colored glasses.… Read the rest...