There have been several versions of this listing on the internet. This is among the more complete ones. Stan Kegel posted it on the groaners listserv.

A negative concept cannot be formed by two positives. Yeah, right.

A writer must not shift your point of view.

Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

Always pick on the correct idiom.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

And always be sure to finish what

And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

Always avoid alliteration. Always.

Avoid archaeic spellings too.

Avoid clichés like the plague; they’re old hat. Seek viable alternatives.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Awl weighs ewes yore spell chequer.

Be more or less specific.

capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.

Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

Don’t indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.

Don’t never use a double negation.

Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.

Don’t use any *&$##@* euphemisms.

Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

Employ the vernacular.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

Eschew obfuscation.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

If you reread your work, you cn find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.

It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Kill all exclamation points!!!

Mixing metaphors is like pinning the tail on the horse after it’s left the stable.

Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.

No sentence fragments.

One should never generalize.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.

Place pronouns as closely as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. As Sir Winston Churchill said, “That is one rule up with which I do not like to have to put.”

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Punctuation like capitalization is very important

Puns are for children, not groan readers.

Remember to never split an infinitive.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

The adverb always follows the verb.

The passive voice is to be avoided.

Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.