Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Raisin Couldn’t Achieve Grapeness

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

Another submission from Mike Franklin.


There is a new wine available for seniors who have problems getting up often to urinate at night —

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.
I kid you not…

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people … Read the rest...

Season’s Greetings, said the Salt to the Pepper

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

Mike Franklin submitted three variants of this seasonal pun.


I used to know a guy who absolutely loved hollandaise sauce. He would buy the sharpest brand he could find and would put it on just about everything. Well it turned out that because he used the spicy sauce so much, it started to wear down a hole on the roof of his mouth. He went to a doctor and asked what he could do about it. The doctor looks at … Read the rest...

Soccer? I barely know her!

Category: Rated PG, Short Snorts

Knowledge of Premier League football will help with this submission by Dave Wallace.


Like many of us, I’m embarrassed when I can’t remember the name of a person after our initial introduction.

My local coffee shop proprietor introduced me to her new worker, Chelsea, recently.

Now, I want you to know that I have a system for remembering names by spotting some characteristic of that person and creating an association, or index as a prompt or hint to recall the … Read the rest...

A Seasonal Feghoot

Category: Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

Mike Franklin sent in this little adventure of our friend Ferdinand Feghoot.


On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police. There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.

“It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters,” Fenwick opined. “Every year we lose five or … Read the rest...

Just Duckserts

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Dogs

Submitted by Mike Franklin.


Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
‘We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don’t step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with … Read the rest...

People Afraid of Saint Nick are Claustrophobic

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

This seasonal, somewhat shaggy submission is from Joe Blake, who says:

“A very new pun. Not sure if the rest of the world knows who Lara Bingle is, but remember Google is your friend.”


Super model, Lara Bingle, decided that she was going to introduce her new range of beauty and hygiene gel products with a super Christmas promo. For one week people would be able to attempt, in one of the upmarket trendmarkets, to guess how much a huge … Read the rest...

Classical Music Food Puns

Category: Gatling Puns, Puns, Rated G

Ralph D. Jeffords said the following:

“I’ve noted that you don’t have this classic classical music composers pun. As per usual I was not satisfied with the original so have tripled the number of entries on the list to extend the groan potential.”


HAYDN’S CHOPIN LISZT AT VIVALDI’S GENERAL STORE:
———————————————–

FOOD ITEMS
———-

DELICATESSEN
Rossini and cheese
beans and Francks
chicken Balakirev
Satie mushrooms
Rubinstein sandwich
Clementi and biscuits
Delius sliced ham
Fresh Mozart-rella cheese
Oscar Meyerbeer bologna

PACKAGED … Read the rest...

A Broken Pencil is Pointless

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

Jim Macaulay submitted this shaggy little guy.


Some years ago, there was a man by the name of Leroy Walter Macaulay, or Lee Wally, as he was known by friends and family, that lived in the mountains of North Carolina, in a clearing just outside of Highlands, North Carolina. He lived in that clearing with his wife, Mary Sue, and his son, Cane. Lee Wally made his living making bootleg liquor, more commonly known as moonshine, in the still of … Read the rest...

If he’d been missing a fifth appendage, they would have gone to a retailer.

Category: Rated G

Submitted by Mike Franklin.


This one I first remember telling over 40 years ago. It might be more readily grasped by you Brits out there…. Particularly those of a certain age…..

Once upon a time there was a tribe of monkeys living deep in the jungle. They were a happy bunch and would all work together for the good of the tribe. They had been working especially hard of late in preparation for a great feast and celebration for one … Read the rest...

About Belief Systems

Category: Rated PG

In a spirit of adventure, I have been looking into various current Christian belief systems. These include the Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and Pentecostals, among others.

Suddenly, it came to me that I should visit the doctor to ask if my heart is strong enough for sects.… Read the rest...